These Danes Won’t Even Deign To Pay Their Bill!

I work in a restaurant where lunch is served from 11:00 am until 5:00 pm. I inherited a table of two men from the lunch server when dinner service started at 5:30. They had been there for two hours maximum, and they had only been drinking — no food or water. The lunch server said they were drunk and the guy in seat one had asked if she’d go home with him. (She’s a lesbian, but it’s cute that you think you have a chance.)

I checked their bill, and they’d already racked up $200 with just cocktails. They started drinking doubles, so there were a lot of drinks on the bill. For each double cocktail, my restaurant makes us order two drinks and add modifications: “DOUBLE” on one and “DON’T MAKE” on the other. Your $15 cocktail is now $30. Good job.

I checked on the men, introduced myself, and asked if they needed anything else. Their doubles were half-full. They asked for a dinner menu, and I dropped it off.

A few minutes later, I saw them asking one of my bussers a question. I headed over, and the guy in seat one asked me about one of our menu items. We listed which farms supplied us with certain items on the menu, and he thought the name was hilarious. Whatever.

Then, he asked for another round.

Me: “Sir, you’ll both need to drink some water before I serve you alcohol again.”

Customer: “No! We’re Danish, and Danes don’t drink water!”

Me: “Sir, you’ve both had six drinks each.”

They denied that. I showed them the bill, explaining how we charge for doubles. They denied ever having doubles, even though they were drinking out of pints. Our standard pours are never in pints.

I found a manager and explained what happened. The manager told the men what I had told them, and they were upset that we were kicking them out. We never kicked them out; we just told them to order some water and maybe bread.

They left $213 for a $215 bill.

Thanks, a**holes. Thankfully, I’m not responsible for the two dollars.