The Situation Has Gone To The Dogs

(I’m at the state park at a public pet adoption event with lots of different rescue organizations. My a**hole neighbor is there looking at a pit bull rescue’s booth.)

Volunteer: “We have a lot of dogs right now looking for homes!”

Neighbor: “I’m looking for a female puppy. I got one two years ago, and she needs a friend.”

Volunteer: “Well, we’ve got five up for adoption right now…” *starts tapping on iPad to bring up pictures*

Me: “Don’t even bother showing them to him.”

Volunteer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “He has two pits already: a male and a female. He also has a coonhound. The dogs are vicious and have already killed his daughter’s cat and one of his mother-in-law’s cats.”

Neighbor: “What the f*** are you going on about?”

(The volunteer looks confused.)

Me: “I live in the opposite half of the duplex from him. I can’t even let my dogs out when his are out, because they’re so mean. And, they can jump the fence. He also abuses them. The female pit is friendly, but if you walk up to let her sniff you, she puts her paw up like she’s scared.”

Neighbor: “That’s bulls***! I never hit my dogs!”

Me: “And you don’t run an illegal gym in your garage, either.”

Neighbor: *gets in my face* “I don’t do jack-s***! Now shut the f*** up!”

Volunteer: “Sir, how big is your yard?”

Neighbor: “About 20 by 10.”

Volunteer: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t allow you to adopt one of our dogs.”

Neighbor: “Why the f*** not?!” *in the volunteer’s face now*

Volunteer: “Because your property is too small for the number of dogs that you have. It wouldn’t be healthy to add another one. You shouldn’t even have three.”

Neighbor: “WHO THE F*** ARE YOU?! I CAN HAVE AS MANY DOGS AS I D*** WELL F****** WANT!” *starts tearing up adoption/volunteer forms* “WHAT THE F*** KIND OF ADOPTION ARE YOU THAT YOU WON’T GIVE SOMEONE A F****** DOG?!”

(Suddenly, three big dudes and a park ranger tackled my neighbor, who was arrested for destruction of private property, assault, vandalism, littering, and disturbing the peace.)

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