The Only Thing Meat-Free About Her Is Her Brain

(I stop into the local pizza joint to order a pizza. While I’m waiting for it, talking to the girl behind the counter, a woman walks in and the girl behind the counter greets her and ask what she would like. The woman takes a step back to look up at the menu and goes:)

Customer: “Hmm… I’m not sure what I want. I’m a vegetarian so I don’t eat meat, so I am trying to think of a good combo that would be delish!”

(The girl behind the counter, who is also a vegetarian, rattles off her favorite toppings.)

Cashier: “Well, I personally like green peppers and olives on mine.”

Customer: “Nah, I think I’m in the mood for something spicy, so I’ll have the Buffalo chicken pizza.”

Cashier: “Um, ma’am, didn’t you say you didn’t eat meat?”

Customer: “Yes, I did, why?”

Cashier: “Ma’am, the Buffalo chicken pizza has chicken on it, and chicken is considered a ‘meat.’” *actually uses air quotes for “meat”*

Customer: “Oh, don’t be silly. Chicken is poultry, not meat like beef and pork.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I can assure you that chicken is indeed ‘meat.’ Chickens are live animals, right?”

Customer: “Right.”

Cashier: “You don’t eat animals, right?”

Customer: “Right.”

Cashier: “You see where I’m going with this?”

Customer: *blinks, and then in a condescending voice* “Look, young lady! I am almost seventy years old! I’ve been a vegetarian longer than you’ve been alive, so I think I would know what is considered a ‘meat’ or not and chicken is not meat. It’s poultry! Now give me a buffalo chicken pizza to go!”

Cashier: “Whatever you say, ma’am. What size pizza would you like? Is there anything else you’d like to add to your order?”

Customer: “A large, and yeah, give me a piece of your pepperoni bread to snack on while I wait. I’m starving!”

(The cashier then looks over to see me trying to hold in my laughter and says to me:)

Cashier: “I’m not even going to try and explain to her what pepperoni is made of.”