The Luck Of The Irish

(It is about 15 years ago. I’m flying from Glasgow to Southampton. This entire situation reminds me of something my mother told me as a child, about being questioned whenever she flew due to our family’s Irish last name. This is my first time flying alone. I am stopped at security and escorted to a room.)

Officer #1: *not even looking at my passport* “Where in Ireland were you born?”

Me: “Umm, Manchester, in the UK?”

(Both officers are writing, but I notice [Officer #1] writing a name I don’t recognise.)

Officer #1: “And when was the last time you visited the UK?”

Me: “I was born in the UK. I haven’t even been to Ireland.”

([Officer #2] stops writing and looks at my passport, while [Officer #1] writes. “four years.”)

Officer #1: “And when do you intend to return home?”

Me: “I don’t live in Ireland.”

([Officer #2] gives [Officer #1] a funny look, and looks like she’s about to laugh.)

Officer #1: “And what is your reason for travelling to the UK?”

Me: “I live here?”

Officer #2: *before [Officer #1] opens his mouth again* “[Officer #1]! You need to actually listen to him!”

Officer #1: “Huh?” *looks at me*

Me: “I don’t come from Ireland. I’m a UK citizen.”

Officer #1: “What?” *finally looking at my passport* “Oh, sorry. It looks like I got you mixed up!”

(He blushes as he rushes out of the room. [Officer #2] rolls her eyes before addressing me.)

Officer #2: “Sorry about that; he’s new. We have an Irish person detained also, because of drugs charges. I think he brought you in because of your last name.”

Me: “I see. Nice bit of profiling there.”

Officer #2: “You have no idea. I’ve been on your side more times than enough. Islam makes everyone nervous nowadays. I’m tempted to quit, actually. Well, let’s get this over with. You don’t want to miss your flight!”

([Officer #2] finished my questioning and I was sent on my way, sprinting to my flight. The whole situation was very strange, but what worried me the most were the answers [Officer #1] was writing down. It makes me wonder what they actually know before they question you.)