Thanos Wants His Popcorn

A couple approaches the concessions stand during the “Avengers: Infinity War” craziness.

Customer #1: “Can I get a large popcorn with butter, please?”

Customer #2: “Butter? Seriously? You know I’m trying to lose weight!”

Customer #1: “So you’d like it plain, then?”

Customer #2: “Well, duh!”

Customer #1: “One medium popcorn, plain, one medium popcorn, butter, please.”

Customer #2: “Seriously?”

Customer #1: “What now?”

Customer #2: “I’m going to smell the butter coming from your popcorn! Mine’s gonna taste so bland in comparison.”

Customer #1: “So if you’re forcing yourself to have bland popcorn, I have to, as well?”

Customer #2: “It’s just common courtesy.”

Customer #1: “That is not common!” *To me* “Sorry about this. As I said, one medium popcorn, plain, one medium popcorn, butter, please.”

Customer #2: *To me* “If you process that order, I will be asking for your manager!”

Me: “I have to get what has been requested. I can’t control who eats what.”

Customer #2: “The customer is always right!”

Customer #1: “I’m the one paying, and that makes me the customer! You’re just the freeloader!”

[Customer #2] storms off, sulking.

Customer #1: “Sorry about that. The diet has… been draining.”

Me: “I can imagine it’s tough.”

Customer #1: “One large buttered popcorn, and throw in some Twizzlers while you’re at it.”

Me: “Going all out?”

Customer #1: “If they’re going to eat pure misery, I’m going to eat pure joy! Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.”