Instruction Deconstruction

Customer: “Your self-checkouts are so stupid! I’m trying to pay by card but it won’t let me!”

Me: “Sir, please select the button that says, ‘Pay By Card,’ at the top of the screen.”

Customer: “…fine, but it should be clearer!”

I start to walk away but the customer calls me again.

Customer: “I want to pay by credit card, but it’s not giving me the option! This is so ridiculous!”

The screen at this point is literally three options, all large and in bold capital letters: “CREDIT”, “DEBIT”, and “GO BACK”.

Me: “You need to press the button that says, ‘Credit’, sir.”

Customer: “…well, that should be clearer!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Well, now what?! There’re no instructions! How do I pay?!”

Me: “The screen is asking you to insert your card.”

Customer: “But where?!”

Me: “In the slot that’s currently flashing red below the screen.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “Sir, you can keep asking me these questions, but I am running out of ways to avoid saying, ‘Because the machine assumes you can read.’”

Customer: “Well… that’s a pretty big assumption to make!”

Me: “Would you prefer to use our staffed checkouts?”

Customer: “You don’t have any open!”

I look back to the several staffed checkout lanes that are not only open, but one currently has no line.

Me: “There are plenty open right now, sir.”

Customer: “I thought they were closed!”

I’m beginning to think this guy couldn’t read because he was blind. The fact that he was holding his car keys as he was talking to me was terrifying.