For The Love Of God, Get GPS

, , | Right | August 18, 2008

Customer: “Hi. I’m coming from the intersection at [Street #1] and [Street #2]. How would I get to your store from here?”

(I give the guy directions. I can tell he’s tuned me out after the first street or two. He then cuts me off before I finish.)

Customer: “Good, good! I got it. Thanks!” *hangs up*

(The phone rings again five minutes later.)

Customer: “Hi! I just called you a few minutes ago, asking for directions.”

Me: “I remember.”

Customer: “Yeah… I took that turn on [Exit] like you said. Then I got lost again. I’m at [Street #3] and [Street #4] now.”

Me: “Okay…” *gives him directions again*

Customer: “Okay! I got it this time. Thanks!” *hangs up*

(Phone rings again five minutes later.)

Me: “Hi again. Where are you now?”

Customer: *laughs* “I’m at [Street #5] and [Street #6].”

Me: “Okay. You’re almost here. Turn on [Street #7] and go straight until you see a gas station. We’re in the strip mall a little after it.”

Customer: “Okay!” *hangs up*

(Phone rings again five minutes later.)

Customer: “It’s me again! I’m at the gas station. I don’t see your store.”

Me: “We’re in the strip mall after the gas station, it’s down the road a little bit.”

Customer: “Oh! I see it. Okay, I’ll be right there.” *hangs up*

(Phone rings again five minutes later.)

Customer: “I’m in the strip mall now… and I don’t see your store. I’m gonna feel SO stupid if I’m in the wrong strip mall.”

Me: “At this point, I’m not even sure you’re in the right state.”

Customer: *laughs*

Me: “Okay. Do you see a donut shop?”

Customer: “Yes! I see a donut shop!”

Me: “Good. Drive to the donut shop. Now, do you see a cell phone store?”

Customer: “Yes! It’s next to the donut shop.”

Me: “Good. Drive to the cell phone shop. Now drive a little past that. Do you see the girl in the next store who’s on the phone and waving at you?”

Customer: “Yeah! Is that you?”

Me: “Yeah. Come on in…”

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Time To Find Another Hobby

, , | Right | August 18, 2008

(A customer was trying on a shorty wetsuit.)

Customer: “It seems to fit okay, but the zip is a little high. It would irritate under my chin.”

Me: “Yes. I can see what you mean, but if you put the suit on the right way round, you won’t have that problem.”

Customer: “…”

Me: *To Coworker* “Remind me to never dive with that guy.”

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He Just Talks Really Loudly

, | Right | August 17, 2008

(A guy comes into our store and slaps a 56k dial-up modem down on the counter.)

Guy: “I want to return this. I bought it a year ago and it’s broken.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you don’t have the box, the power supply, the driver CD or the receipt. I can’t let you return it.”

Guy: “You will give me my money back, right now!”

Me: “No, I can’t do that. You need to keep the receipt for warranty claims. I have no proof you even bought that from us.”

(The conversation escalates and gets more and more heated until finally…)

Guy: “If you don’t give me back my money, I’ll be waiting for you in the car park after work and I’ll f*** you up, you hear me?! I’LL BREAK YOUR F***ING FACE YOU LITTLE S***!”

Me: “Are you threatening me?”

Guy: “No!”

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A Little Bit Too Honest There

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2008

(I used to work at a sporting goods store. One day a young guy of about 12-14 years of age comes in.)

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where I can find a jock, like, for playing baseball?”

Me: “Oh, you mean a protective cup? Sure, they’re right over here.”

Customer: “Thanks. Oh, are there sizes?”

Me: “Yeah, they’re–”

Customer: *whispers* “I think I’m a small.”

Me: “They’re according to waistband.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Me: “I’ll be over there if you need anything else.”

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Maybe They’re Having A Pow Wow At Starbucks

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is supposed to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Come again?”

Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us. If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about teepees?”

Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”


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