The Only Thing That Didn’t Arrive Is Your Brain

, , | Right | August 15, 2008

Me: “Hello, I see you opened a PayPal dispute for this item. It looks like your item was delivered, as shown by the delivery confirmation number. ”

Customer: “I would like a refund. This item didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: “All custom orders, like your ring, are shipped to be received within 14 business days from the date of purchase. It looks like your item arrived a day or so outside of that timeline. I’m sorry it was delayed in transit, but I’m happy that it wasn’t lost in the mail and did arrive safely! If you have any further questions, I’d be happy to help.”

Customer: “This didn’t arrive in a timely matter. I’d like a refund.”

Me: “If you’d like to return the ring, you can do so within 7 days from the date you received your purchase. If you wish to do so, please return the ring to the address on the package, and please include the receipt.”

Customer: “I’d like a refund for this item because it didn’t arrive in a timely manner. I like the ring; I just want a refund.”

Me: “I’d be happy to accept a return on this item. Please send it, as I mentioned above, to the address on the package within the next 7 days.”

Customer: “I like the ring. I just want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t issue a refund unless you send back the ring.”

Customer: “But it didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: “I’m very sorry you’re unhappy with the length of time the USPS took to deliver your package. I’m more than happy to issue a refund for your purchase price if you send the ring back to me.”

Customer: “I want to keep the ring, and I want a refund. It didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: *wants to die*

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Only The Undead Ones

, , , | Right | August 15, 2008

(Our store is in a mall, but instead of having the gates like most stores, we have big glass doors.  The mall closes at 9 pm; at 9:30 pm, a customer comes up to the door.)

Customer: *pulls at the door, then knocks*

Employee: *goes over to the door and unlocks it*

Customer: “Are ya’ll closed?”

Employee: “Yes, and so is every other store in this mall.”

Customer: “Why? Ya’ll should stay open at night. Ain’t that when your customers come out?”

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Well Whadya Know, It’s Working Now

| Right | August 13, 2008

Me: “Thanks for calling ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: “My phone service isn’t working.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll see what I can do. What wireless company do you have?”

Customer: “I don’t have wireless.”

Me: “… I’m not sure I’m following you, ma’am.”

Customer: “What’s not to follow? I said my PHONES AREN’T WORKING!”

Me: “Okay, but in order to assist you, I need to know what service you have.”

Customer: “AT&T.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t contract AT&T wireless in the store.”

Customer: “Look, lady, it’s not WIRELESS. My HOME PHONES aren’t working, and I can’t get a hold of my son and I’m worried. The service has been on the fritz all day. I need you to FIX IT!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t fix your home phone service. You’ll have to call your provider.”

Customer: “What are you, stupid? I bought the phone from you!”

(She probably had bought the telephone through us, because we sell some made by/for AT&T. But we don’t do the service at all.)

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t do the service. We are just the phone retailer. Is there something wrong with the phone itself?”

Customer: “NO. It works fine, but I can’t actually CALL anywhere. Now, I need this FIXED. I’ve been without a phone all day, every phone in the house is messed up, and I can’t call my SON. I don’t have a phone at ALL! Do you understand?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I do, but like I said, we have nothing to do with your service. We just sell the PHONES. You have to call AT&T to see what’s wrong with your service.”

Customer: “And just how am I supposed to do that, smarty-pants? I DON’T have a PHONE that WORKS!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, how did you call US?”

Customer: “B****.” *click*

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Let’s All Just Randomly Grab Crap

, , | Right | August 12, 2008

(I’m ringing up a customer’s items.)

Customer: “That’s wrong. That’s on sale.”

Me: “Well, the system is usually correct, and I don’t believe it is, but I can have someone check.”

(After the area is checked, we find that I am correct.)

Me: “The sign back there says the clearance EXCLUDES your item.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t.”

Me: “Ma’am, I just had an associate check for you to ensure that the item is not on sale.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! You are just a dumb cashier! Where is your supervisor?”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the supervisor. I’m sorry, but the sign clearly says in large red letters that your item is excluded from the sale.”

Customer: “Well, I shouldn’t have to pay attention! I saw clearance so I just grabbed something. I should get it cheaper because of it!”

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Your Prank Got Spanked

| Right | August 11, 2008

(This happened to a friend of mine who owns a gun shop.)

Friend: “Hello, this is–”

Caller: *twelve year old sounding voice* “Your mom!”

Friend: “What?”

Caller: “What your mom said.”

Friend: “A prank caller are we?”

Caller: *mocking tone* “A prank caller are we?”

Friend: “Do your parents know what you’re doing? Because I have caller ID and I can call them back later.”

Caller: “My parents are out of town… duuuhhh!”

Friend: “You must have absolutely no idea what kind of store you just called, then.”

Caller: “A GAY store?”

(My friend puts the phone down and opens the locker behind the counter and retrieves a shotgun. He holds it next to the phone and pumps the action.)

Friend: “Can you guess now?”

Caller: “…”

Friend: “You know, your caller ID gave me a first and last name. All I need to do is open a phone book and I can find your address.”

Caller: *click*

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