Baptism On A Budget

, , , , , | Right | September 3, 2008

Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.”

Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.”

(Outside…)

Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?”

Me: “Um, okay.”

(The customer climbs in.)

Customer: *to companion* “Okay, now you get in, too, and see if we will both fit.”

(The customer’s companion climbs in.)

Customer: “Okay, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using it for a baptismal font.”

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More Like The Gas Beneath My Pants

, | Right | September 2, 2008

Me: “Hello, [Music Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you had the sheet music for Hero.”

Me: “Mariah Carey?”

Customer: “No! Bette Midler!”

Me: “Oh! Wind Beneath My Wings! Sure, we’ve got it!”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “The song is called Wind Beneath My Wings. It’s one of the most popular vocal arrangements on the market.”

Customer: “No, it’s that one about her hero.”

Me: “Yeah…” *sings* “Did you ever know that you’re my hero? You’re everything I wish I could be… I can fly higher than an eagle… and you are the WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.”

Customer: “Yes! That’s the one!” *sings* “‘Did you ever know that you’re my HERO!’ Can you hold a copy for me?”

Me: *giving up* “Of course…”

(Later on…)

Coworker 1: “So, who was on the phone?”

Coworker 2: “… and why are they the wind beneath your wings?”

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The Logic Is Weak In This One

, , , | Right | September 2, 2008

(A man comes out of the fitting room with a pair of pants and talks to my coworker.)

Customer: “So… it says here on the hanger, that it’s size 34. The tag says 34, and this other tag says 34. But there’s no freaking way I can fit into these! So what does that mean?

Coworker: “Well, I guess that means you’re not a size 34…”

Customer: “Oh. Thanks.”

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Permission To Abuse, Denied

, , , | Right | August 30, 2008

(I’m trying to organize curtains, shams, valances, etc. when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “I certainly do, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: *snotty* “Yeah, can you get out of my way, please?”

Me: “…”

Customer: *to his wife* “I can say that to her because she works here!”

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$20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

, , , | Right | August 29, 2008

(A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

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