Customer: Impossible

, , , | Right | February 1, 2008

Old man: “I need a new phone! But I don’t want all those fancy bells and whistles on it!”

Me: “Okay, well we have some more basic phones over–”

Old man: “No I don’t want caller ID!”

Me: “Hmm… well all the phones we carry have caller ID on them. It’s a pretty standard feature nowadays.”

Old man: “Yeah but I don’t have that service, so I’d just be wasting my money on a feature I don’t use!”

(This sort of this goes on for about ten minutes. At one point another customer enters the aisle doing her own shopping. He looks over my shoulder and yells to her “Go find someone else! He’s helping me right now!” Finally, he decides on a phone…)

Old man: “Does this one have a wall mount?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s wall mountable.”

Old man: “Show me!”

Me: “We can’t really open product-”

Old man: “No, show me!”

(I think, “Screw it,” and open the box and take everything out to show him.)

Me: “See? Wall mounts.”

Old man: “Okay, fine, I’ll take it.”

(I spend ten minutes trying to get the freaking phone back in the box exactly how it was packaged, which is a lot harder than it sounds.)

Me: “Okay… here you go.”

Old man: “No, I don’t want that one, it’s been opened!”

(I nearly beat him to death with his cane.)

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Breaking The Terms of Service, LA-Style

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2008

(A customer is looking at a laptop. I approach to help.)

Me: “That’s a really great computer.”

Customer: “I don’t need a computer. I need wireless Internet.”

Me: “All right, how much range do you need cover?”

Customer: *dead serious* “From here to Santa Monica.”

(Note: This is about a distance of ten miles.)

Me: “All right, let’s start over. This time I’ll be from the future.”

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Yes, Your Highness

, , | Right | January 20, 2008

Me: “Excuse me, can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: *in a very mean tone* “Yeah, I need a Dove bar.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. The soaps are right over there; see the sign?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “?”

Customer: “I’M WAITING…”

Me: *sigh*

(I go and get the soap and hand it to her. Then, she shows me a list of eight other things.)


This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

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She Probably Needs Someone To Put Her Clothes On, Too

, | Right | January 19, 2008

Customer: “Is this the children’s department?”

Associate: “Yes this is.”

Customer: “And where’s the little girl’s?”

Associate: “Right over around the corner.”

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you going to do your job?”

Associate: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “You know, you pick out my outfits for me.”

Associate: “Like a personal shopper?”

Customer: “What is this, some sort of self-service store?”

Associate: “Typically, customers shop for themselves.”

Customer: “Well, fine! I’m going to shop somewhere else!”

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Oh, Mary Jane

, | Right | January 17, 2008

(I swear this lady was high as a kite… She had this crazed-out look and talked in this very airy voice. She comes up to register with a large pile of towels and turns to the lady checking out beside her.)

Customer: “Wow! I love your purse! It would go with my shiny blue shoes, and my black jacket, and those cute Capri pants in my closet!”

Other Customer: “Uh… thanks?”

Customer: *turns to me* “You know, I have to keep changing the bathroom colors. I like the spring colors, but you know, Angel keeps peeling the paint off of the wall behind the toilet so I keep telling her Uncle Rico is going to have to repaint the bathroom if she keeps doing that…”

Me: “Okay… well, I hope you enjoy your towels.” *hands her the receipt* “Thank you and have a nice day.”

Customer: *eyes grow wide as she sprawls the receipt out* “WOW! This receipt is so… LONG! It’s so… BIG! And there are so many ITEMS on it!”

(She continued to stand at my register fawning over the length of the receipt for a good five minutes before she left.)

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