(I tend to be very accident prone. One very early morning, I’m working the front of the store by myself when I hurt myself and get a nasty gash in my hand.)

Me: “[Manager]! Get up here right now!”

(As I pack paper towels around the cut, my manager stomps up to me looking pissed.)

Manager: “What are you screaming at me for? I’m your boss! You can’t talk to me in that tone!”

Me: “But I—”

Manager: “No! I don’t want to hear any of your excuses! Don’t even bother apologizing. I’m writing you up right now.”

(He stomps back to the office and slams the office door behind him, leaving me standing there in shock. Fortunately, my only coworker finds the first aid kit and fixes me up. My manager eventually comes back out of his office, still angry.)

Manager: “I just finished writing you up. [Store Manager] is coming in this morning so she’ll get to hear all about your behavior problem.”

Me: “Okay. I’m sure she’ll love to see this too.” *holds up hand*

Manager: “Oh my God! What happened to your hand?!”

Me: “I sliced it open pretty bad. That’s why I was screaming for you, but [coworker] got me bandaged up so it’s all good.”

(Not only did I not get in trouble, but he sent me home early with a full day’s pay!)

(Due to new public safety standards, we now have to machine wash all dirty trays instead of merely wiping them down with a disinfectant and paper towel.)

Me: “You’re order will be right out, ma’am. Thank you.”

(My coworker brings out her bag of food.)

Customer: “I said I wanted this for here.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but as I mentioned all our trays are dirty and we’re only bagging the food at the moment. You’re more than welcome to eat in the lobby if you’d like, but we can’t offer you a tray.”

Customer: “What about those?” *points to dirty pile of trays over a trash can* “Can’t I just have one of those?”

Me: “Uh, no ma’am. Those are all dirty trays. I can’t give you any of those.”

Customer: “Just wipe one down; it’ll be fine.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that. It’s against health codes.”

Customer: “Just wipe it down! You’re just being lazy!”

(Note: the customer is getting so agitated that other customers are backing away from her.)

Me: “No, I’m not. I’m really just waiting for the trays to be brought back up from the dish area. They’ll be clean soon.”

Customer: “God, I can’t believe you’d be so rude and lazy not to give me a tray!”

(Without warning, the customer throws her bag full of food at my face. It’s filled with cardboard sandwich boxes and hot fries inside, so she takes a solid chunk out of my cheek and I start bleeding.)

Customer: “That’ll teach you to be rude to a customer!” *shoves two customers out of the way and leaves*

(I am at a diner with a group of friends. The waiter comes over to take our order. One of my friends with many allergies starts asking questions.)

Allergic Friend: “Do you ever cook anything with dairy on the same grill you use for burgers?”

Waiter: “Um, yeah.”

Allergic Friend: “Okay, well, I’m really sensitive to dairy, so I can’t eat anything that’s been on the same grill.”

Waiter: “We could cook your burger on the vegetarian grill.”

(The other vegetarians and I at the table stare at the waiter in shock and horror.)

Allergic Friend: “That… wouldn’t help anyone.”

(My husband has brought home dinner from a sandwich shop.)

Husband: *takes a bite of his grilled cheese* “Gack! Oh, yuck!”

Me: “Did they put stuff you did not ask for on the sandwich?”

Husband: “Nope, it is what they did not take off. They left the wrapper on the cheese and then grilled it!”

(My friends and are I in three-vehicle convoy, driving a very long distance from Vancouver, Canada, to California in one long go for a big event. We’ve gotten a very late start on very little sleep, have been driving for hours. Tired and hungry, we see a fast food place on the highway and pull into the parking lot. As we walk up to the doors, we make eye contact with a cashier inside. Instead of letting us in, she breaks into a jog to get there first, and locks it in our faces.)

Cashier #1: “The dining room’s closed!”

Us: “D***! We were really hoping to try you guys out. Is there anywhere else close by to eat that would still be open?”

Cashier #1: “No. Oh, but the drive-thru’s still open. It’s just the dining room that’s closed.”

Us: “Okay, thanks.”

(We would have liked to sit down on real chairs, but it’s a warm summer evening so we figure we’ll tailgate it. So, we stroll over, en masse, to order at the drive-thru window.)

Cashier #2: “You have to come through in a vehicle. We can’t serve you if you aren’t in a car.”

Us: “Really? Okay, fine…”

(Because we’ve got two trucks pulling trailers that won’t fit in the drive-thru, we decide what we want and have a single driver pull the remaining car into the drive-thru.)

Cashier #2: “We can’t do an order for people who aren’t in the car.”

Driver: “Are you serious? Seriously? Why the h*** not?!”

Cashier #2: “It’s our policy.”

Driver: “Can you change it? I mean, can you waive it? There’s like ten of us and there’s no way we can all fit in this car.”

Cashier #2: “It’s our policy.”

Driver: “Fine.”

(Our driver pulls around back to the parking lot again. We manage to squeeze enough people in that everyone’s only ordering for about two of them, which we figure they can’t possibly argue with. Once again, we head over to the drive-thru.)

Driver: “Okay, I think we’re good to go. We’d like—”

Cashier #2: “Drive-thru’s closed.”