UK is OK
(I’m British, white-skinned, blue/green-eyed, red-haired, Celtic. I’m studying in the U.S. and work at a restaurant part-time. It’s a small-ish town and most people there seem to be quite sweet and any comments on my accent have always been ones of surprise or complimentary.)
Me: “Good afternoon, sir and madam, are you ready to order?”
Customer #1: *confused* “I’m sorry, what?”
Me: “Are you ready to order?”
Customer #1: *looks at her husband, confused* “What did she say?”
Customer #2: “Must be a foreigner not bothering to learn English.” *slowly and loudly* “I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?”
Me: *slowly and loudly* “YES, I DO, SIR. I ASKED IF YOU WERE READY TO ORDER.”
Customer #2: “Oh, this is ridiculous! She doesn’t speak a word of English! Tell you what, all these foreigners are coming into America, taking American jobs from real Americans!”
Customer #1: “Let’s find one who can understand us!”
Me: “I can find someone else to take your order from you, if you’d prefer.”
Customer #2: “Oh, she does speak English now!”
Customer #1: “She was screwing with us the whole time! This is unacceptable! We don’t come here to be made fools of!”
Customer #2: “Stupid foreigners coming in stealing our jobs and screwing up the American way of life!”
Me: “If you’re worried about foreigners coming to America and stealing your livelihood and culture, you can take your complaints down to the nearest Native American reserve, where they will be more than happy to sympathise.”
Customer #2: “How dare you?! You think you can come over here and disrespect the American people like that!”
Customer #1: “We want the manager here now! I’ll have you fired and deported back to your own dirty country!”
Me: “I’ll fetch him now for you.”
Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”
(Customer #1 & #2 rant excessively at him for employing foreigners who don’t speak English and disrespect Americans.)
Manager: “Well, sorry to burst your bubble there, guys.” *gestures to me* “[My Name] here is from the United Kingdom and arguably speaks better English than all of us. And she’s a valued employee so if it comes down to a choice between your custom and her working here, I’m a have to choose her over you two. Now get out of here!”
(At this point, Customer #3, an old man with a thick southern accent, beckons me over.)
Customer #3: “Hey, you, girlie.”
Me: “Can I help you, sir?”
Customer #3: “On behalf of the United States Of America, I just wanna apologise for the way those two morons just treated you. I been a citizen here for 78 years, an’ I ain’t never let nobody tell me howta treat people. I served alongside a British guy in a the last war and I never had a problem wi’ him. Far from it.”
Me: “That’s so nice! Thank you!”
Customer #3: “Woulda married him, too, if people like that wouldn’t make such a fuss about it.”
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