(I’m working as one of three cashiers for a buffet restaurant. None of us are allowed to leave the registers, even when it’s pretty dead. A manager stops by.)

Manager: “What are you losers just standing around for?”

Coworker #1: “Well, we aren’t allowed to leave the registers.”

Manager: “What, you don’t think I know that?! I’m the manager. You are the losers who work here. I mean, why would anyone WANT to work here unless they were too much of a LOSER to get hired somewhere else?”

Coworker #2: “Actually, all of us have second jobs.”

Manager: “EVERYONE WHO WORKS HERE IS A LOSER!” *stomps off*

Me: “Wait, so… he works here.”

(Two days later, I decide to quit. I go in to pick up my paycheck from the same manager, drop my uniform on the desk and start to leave.)

Manager: “Wait! You can’t quit. I put you on the schedule for this week! You have to let me know in advance if you’re quitting!”

Me: “Sorry, I thought only losers worked here, so guess I can’t!”

(At my restaurant we make Rice Krispie bars and cut them into wedges. At the end of the day, we have to throw them out because they get hard and stale. If there are a bunch left close to closing time, we usually just give a few to whoever is left in the restaurant. I approach some college-aged guys.)

Me: “Hey guys! We’re required to throw these out tonight, but they’re still good if you’d like one.”

Customer #1: “Are you serious?! These are my favorite things here! Oh man, I could just make out with you right now!”

(He takes the Rice Krispie, and stares at me like I’ve told him he’s won the lottery.)

Me: “Uh… um….”

Customer #2: “Dude, no!”

(He grabs his friend and pulls him towards the door.)

Customer #1: “LET IT BE KNOWN ON THIS DAY, I HAVE FALLEN FOR THE RICE KRISPIE GODDESS! I’LL BE BACK FOR YOOOOUUUUUUU—”

(He is cut off as his friends drag him out the door.)

(I am working at a pizza shop on a busy Friday night. There are about five customers waiting in line. I hand the first customer her slice, and move on.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I don’t like the slice I ordered. I want a new one.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; but I can’t just give you another slice.”

Customer: “But I don’t want this one anymore! I demand to speak to who is in charge. How am I supposed to eat something I don’t like?!”

(I ask my boss, and he tells me to give her a free slice to avoid an argument. I get the customer a new slice, and am finally able to take care of the other customers. An hour later, my coworker hands me a hot chocolate.)

Coworker: “Here, this hot chocolate is for you.”

Me: “Oh, thanks!”

Coworker: “I didn’t get it; one of the customers who was in here before works at the coffee place. He saw you deal with that difficult customer, so he brought you the hot chocolate for free.”

(This small act of kindness made my entire night brighter. The next time I see him, he will be getting a free slice of pizza!)

(I work in a Thai restaurant, handling the phones for takeout orders. I get a fairly large order, and am reading it back to the customer to ensure accuracy.)

Me: “…and a mild pad-thai, correct?”

Customer: “Yes, but could you make sure that the mild pad-thai doesn’t have peanuts on it?”

Me: “Of course. Did you want me to modify anything else?”

Customer: “The dumplings don’t have peanuts, right?”

Me: “No, but the satay comes with peanut sauce. Are you asking because of an allergy?”

Customer: “My girlfriend’s allergic to peanuts, but I think she’s just making it up.”

Me: “Um, I can tell them not to put peanuts in your meals, but there are peanut products all over our kitchen. I can’t guarantee that there won’t be any cross contamination.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m pretty sure she’s faking it.”

Me: “With all due respect, I’d suggest that you get your girlfriend dinner from another restaurant. Peanut allergies are very serious, and can result in death.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I really want Pad Thai. She’ll be fine.”

(A few minutes later I get another call; this time from the girlfriend.)

Girlfriend: “Hi, I’m sorry to bother you. My boyfriend just placed an order for delivery, and I wanted to make sure that they know not to put peanuts in my meal.”

Me: “I remember your order. This is an allergy issue, right?”

Girlfriend: “Yes. It’s really bad.”

Me: “As I told your boyfriend, I can tell them not to put peanuts in your meal, but I can’t guarantee that there won’t be cross contamination. Peanut products are a huge part of Thai cuisine. Would you like me to change your order to remove your portion of the meal?”

Girlfriend: “What an ass-h***. He’d really risk my life just so he could get some Pad Thai?”

Me: “Well, our Pad Thai is pretty fantastic.”

Girlfriend: “To die for?”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. I’ll just go ahead and cancel the order.”

Girlfriend: “No, send the whole thing, I just won’t be here by the time it gets here. I’m breaking up with him.”

(A few days later, I come into work and there’s an Amex Gift Card with a note from the girlfriend.)

Girlfriend’s Note: “To the girl that made me realize what an ass-h*** my boyfriend was: go buy yourself a few drinks on me.”

(My friend and I are at a Chinese buffet.)

Me: “Hey, do you want to get those fried dough ball things before we go back to the table?”

My Friend: “Yes! Thank you for the reminder!”

(We walk over to where they’re located, and see a middle-aged woman making her way down the line. She’s at the tray of food next to the dough balls, so we stand back and let her finish what she’s doing.)

My Friend: “I love the dough balls here!”

(The woman looks up from what she’s doing, and stares at us. She reaches over and takes EVERY DOUGH BALL from the tray and puts them on her plate. She then runs away from the line. There were at least 13 dough balls on the tray.)

Me: “I… I don’t know what just happened.”

(A few people around us start to laugh. Thankfully the dough balls were restocked by the time we were done with our first plate of food, and we never ran into that woman again!)

This story was included in our Chinese Restaurant Roundup.

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