Me: “Hi, I’d like the eggplant parmesan sandwich, please.”
Employee: “We outta eggs.”
Me: “Oh, no, not egg; I’d like the EGGPLANT sandwich.”
Employee: “WE OUTTA EGGS.”
Me: “But… eggs and eggplant are two different things. Eggplant is a big purple vegetable.”
(The employee shrugs at me, and then turns to his manager.)
Employee: “Hey, we got any eggplant?”
Manager: “Nah, we outta eggs.”
(My awesome Viking History professor often has Middle Ages-reenactors who attend his class just to listen to him teach. On one occasion, he and five students decide to go to the ‘Steak and Ale’, a restaurant, in armor and long medieval gowns. The server is quite surprised at how they are dressed, and isn’t quite sure how to deal with them.)
Server: “Uh… what would you like to eat?”
(One of the guys in full plate armor takes his armored fist, and slams it down onto the table and shouts.)
Armored Guy: “MEAT!”
(The server jumps.)
Server: *nervously* “H-how do you want it?”
(The armored guy slams his fist down on the table again, and shouts.)
Armored Guy: “COOKED!”
(According to my professor, they somehow avoided getting thrown out of the restaurant!)
(I’ve just begun my shift, so I speak to my manager to check on things.)
Me: “Is there anything I need to know, like anything we’re out of, can’t make, or trying to push?”
Manager: “No.”
(The manager walks away, totally emotionless and uninterested. Note that I’m at the drive-thru register, far away from everything else in the restaurant.)
Customer: “Yes, I’d like two [ice cream product] please.”
Me: “Your total is [amount]. Please pull forward to the first window.”
(Suddenly, I hear my manager shout from the front of the store.)
Manager: “WE DON’T HAVE ICE CREAM!”
(Houston has just gone through Hurricane Ike. Power is out in many areas, but some areas have gotten their power back much sooner than others. We can see a popular burrito place has power, and cooking smoke is coming from its roof. The smell is heavenly, so we go in to order a bunch of burritos for us and our friends. After giving my order of several burritos to the cashier, I add something.)
Me: “Thank you for being open today.”
(The cashier looks at me for a moment.)
Cashier: “Could you just wait a moment?”
(He then brings the owner up to me.)
Cashier: “Repeat what you just said.”
Me: *puzzled* “Thank you for being open today.”
Owner: “I just got shouted at by some woman for not having ice for ice tea—after a major hurricane! These workers came in, even though most of them would rather be with their own families, to help us use these supplies before they spoil.”
(He then taps the cashier.)
Owner: “Their order is free.”
(I work at an ice-cream stand. A herd of small children come up to the counter. None are older than eight years old.)
Child: “Umm, miss, how much is that?”
Me: “How much is the cone? Or how much is one scoop on the cone?”
Child: “How much is the cone?”
Me: “Well, this cone is technically free. If you get one scoop on the sugar cone, then you only pay for the scoop of ice-cream.”
Child: “Okay, one sec.”
(All the children giggle, then run to a woman nearby. They chat for a bit, and then they run back.)
Child: “How much for the sugar cone?”
(I tell them, and they again run back to the woman standing nearby. They repeat this charade a few more times by asking the exact same questions, until they all finally order. Each one of them orders one scoop of ice-cream on the sugar cone. Their total comes out to about $30.The woman nearby later comes up and cuts in front of six customers.)
Woman: “Can I see a receipt for my order?”
Me: “Sorry, your kids paid in cash, and didn’t want the receipt; I threw it away.”
Woman: “Okay, well my kids told me that you told them that one scoop on a sugar cone was free. They all got one scoop on a sugar cone. WHY DID THAT COST $30?!”
Me: “I told them that the cone was free, but the scoop itself was [price].”
Woman: “That’s not what they told me.”
Me: “I’m sorry; I did tell them that.”
Woman: “Wow. You must be the biggest idiot if you cannot convey the price of ice-cream to children!”
Me: “Sorry, ma’am.”
(She stands there glaring at me. The next two customers are a couple of guys, who then come up to the register to pay for their order.)
Guy #1: “Who the h*** hands their kid a 50, and sends them up to an ice-cream stand?”
(The woman hears him, and stares at him with her jaw dropped.)
Guy #2: *mocking the woman* “Where is my receipt?! Why are you so dumb?! Why did I have children?!”
(The woman scoffs loudly, and storms off.)
Me: “That was awkward.”
Guy #2: “That was hilarious! She was such a b**** to you!”
Guy #1: “I don’t think you did anything wrong!”
(He tips me $20, smiles, then walks away with his friend.)
