Technically Speaking, You’re A Jerk

, , , , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(I work for a cable company in their Internet repair team. When your Internet breaks, I’m the one you call. This customer in particular claims she has called six times in the past week; reading through the memos on her account, it has only been three times. Regardless, she starts the call with an attitude.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *obviously elderly* “What is your name, your employee ID, and where are you located?”

Me: “I’m [My Name], located in Louisville, Kentucky, and my ID is [ID number].”

Customer: “Well, I don’t even know what you think you can do. My Internet is down again, and I just had four technicians out this week!” *she has not*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but I’d be very happy to assist you in getting your Internet back up and running.”

Customer: “Well, I doubt you can, but my information is [Name, Address, security code, and phone number].”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I’ll be happy to look this up.”

(I pause while I look through her information. I realize that when she was given a new modem the tech didn’t put it in the system that makes it work.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I see the issue here; it seems that your technician didn’t—”

Customer: “MY TECHNICIAN DID EVERYTHING HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO! I WATCHED IT WITH MY OWN EYES!”

Me: *holding headset off of my ears* “Ma’am, maybe it was a mistake—”

Customer: “THERE IS NO MISTAKE! I KNOW THE TECHNICIANS AROUND HERE! THEY WOULD NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s possible that he didn’t—”

Customer: *continues ranting about how she knows all about everything Internet*

Me: “Ma’am, I have told you quite a few times now exactly what I am seeing in front of me—”

(The customer interrupts me again, ranting and raving about how she knows everything about my job. I have given up at this point and just proceed to fix the problem without trying to explain what is wrong anymore.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you restart your computer for me, please?”

Customer: *shuts up finally* “Okay, it’s restarting.”

Me: *waits for her computer to come back up* “Okay. Can you open your browser, please?”

Customer: “Oh, look! I have Internet connection! How did you do that?”

Me: “Ma’am, that provisioning issue I tried to tell you about? I fixed it, and now you’re connected. If you have no further questions for me, thank you for calling [Cable Company]. Please remain on the line for a brief survey.”

(I have never been happier to hang up and go to break, which she also made me 15 minutes late for.)

You’re Not Regarded Highly

, , , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

(An online order to pick up in store comes in. My manager goes to check it. Traffic is slow at the moment. I am 4’11” tall.)

Manager: *sighs* “That’s a heavy piece of furniture; I’m going to need help to get it to the loading bay door.”

Me: “I can give you a hand if you like.”

Manager: “Thanks, but I need something higher.”

(Later, I’m replacing a large basket on the top shelf of one of our displays.)

Me: “[Manager], help! I’m not high enough!”

Cross That Bridge When You Come To It

, , , , | Romantic | September 30, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are going on a walk across a bridge over the river. We’ve only been together a couple of months, so it isn’t super serious yet.)

Me: *as we walk up the ramp* “I heard of a guy who proposed to his girlfriend here.”

Boyfriend: “I’ll bet that happens a lot.”

Me: “I could make a joke here, but I won’t.”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’m not going to do it NOW!”