(My husband and I stop at the local mall where we pass a vacuum demonstration at one of the kiosks. We walk by just as the demonstration ends and one of the demonstrators stops us.)

Demonstrator: “So, what do you think?”

Me: “It’s very nice, but we actually don’t need a vacuum.”

Demonstrator: “You already have one?”

Me: “Well, we have a stick vacuum, but we don’t have carpeting.”

Demonstrator: “You don’t have floors?!”

Me: “Oh, no. We have hardwood and marble in the bathroom.”

Demonstrator: “So, you don’t have any carpeting?”

Me: “No, just hardwood and marble.”

Demonstrator: “Do you have dirt floors?!”

Me: “No… we have hardwood floors.”

Demonstrator: “… Your floors are made of wood?!”

Husband: “We already have a vacuum.”

Demonstrator: “Ooooh, I see. Have a good day!”

(At the beginning of the holiday season, the way to the store I need to go to is past a notoriously pushy string of kiosk hosts. I walked past these kiosk workers yesterday with my mother, and know that this particular kiosk worker is quite the ‘Casanova.’)

Kiosk Worker: “Would you like to try some of my product? It would be perfect for your mother’s Christmas gift! My mother loves this product!”

Me: *assuming he remembers me* “Sorry. No, thank you.”

Kiosk Worker: “You’ve broken my heart. You are the only woman to ever say no to me!”

Me: “Tis the season, because I said no yesterday, too!”

(My grandmother and I are serving food at an outdoor event. I have cooked mashed potatoes.)

Customer: “These potatoes are fantastic! I’ve had three servings.”

Me: “Well, thank you!”

Customer: “You must be from the First Baptist Church, because all of the best cooks are Baptist, you know.”

Me: “Actually, I’m not.”

Customer: “Oh, I guess you must be a Methodist then. Methodist women always did have a way with potatoes.”

Me: “No, I’m actually a Catholic.”

Customer: “Well, where the h*** did you come from?”

(I work as a cashier at a concession stand during high school football games. A young girl and her father walk up to my register.)

Me: *to the father* “Just the cookies for you?”

(The father looks at his daughter and nods his head at her.)

Young Girl: “Yes, please, and I’m paying for them, too!”

Me: “Okay, that’s $1.25, please.”

(The young girl takes out her little change purse and counts out exactly $1.25, then pauses and pulls out two pennies.)

Young Girl: “That’s $1.25, and then a tip for you because you were so nice!”

(The young girl then turns to her father.)

Young Girl: “Mommy says you should tip people when they’re nice to you, and are good at their job.”

Me: “Thank you so much! Have a good night and enjoy your cookies!”

Young Girl: “You’re welcome! Thank YOU for being so nice and smiley!”

(The girl and her father came through my line again later on that evening and, once again, I earned another two-cent tip. We don’t normally take tips in that position, but it absolutely made my night!)

Boyfriend: “Hi, I would like two lemonades and a bag of kettle corn.”

Food Stand Attendant: “$17.50.”

(My boyfriend pays. While they are getting our lemonades ready, he runs to the restroom. I have been standing there holding the lemonades for a while at this point.)

Me: “Excuse me; can I please get my kettle corn?”

Food Stand Attendant: “That’ll be $6.”

Me: “Oh no, I am sorry; my boyfriend just paid for it. He’s in the restroom; we just never got it.”

Food Stand Attendant: “Whatever, that’ll be $6.”

Me: “But I just paid for it; you never gave it to me!”

Food Stand Attendant: “No you didn’t; you bought the lemonades. That was it.”

Me: “Two lemonades for $17.50?”

(At this point my boyfriend has returned, wondering what the hold up is. The food stand attendant gives him a flirty smile.)

Food Stand Attendant: “You forgot your kettle corn; so glad you came back!”

(As we are walking away, I realize she has written her phone number on the bag. That’s why she didn’t want to hand it to me.)