A Wolf In Sweets Clothing

| Right | May 1, 2012

(I am working at a caramel apple stand at the local fair. A young girl approaches with her male friend.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer #1: “Can I get a Coke?”

Customer #2: “Oh, no, come on! We agreed to be healthy.”

Customer #1: “It’s just a Coke.”

Customer #2: “Get a water.”

Customer #1: “I know, but I want the Coke.”

Customer #2: “You’ll regret it later. You know you will.”

Customer #1: “Fine. I’ll take a water, please.”

Customer #2: “See? So much healthier! And think of the calories you’re cutting!”

Customer #1: “Yeah, you’re right.”

Me: “Just the water then?”

Customer #2: “No, can we get two M&M caramel apples?”

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Fresher Than You’ll Ever Be

, | Right | April 15, 2012

(I have worked at this concession stand for four years and this particular customer has been coming at least once a week since I started. Some variation of this same argument occurs every week.)

Regular Customer: “Is that coffee fresh?”

Me: “Relatively. I haven’t been open that long. You want some?”

Regular Customer: “No. It needs to be fresh!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is fresh. I just opened fifteen minutes ago.”

Regular Customer: “No! I can only drink fresh coffee!”

Me: “It is fresh coffee!”

(The customer stands there and glares at me without saying a word for about a minute.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am not making a new pot of coffee. This one is still fresh and over half-full.”

Regular Customer: “Yeah, well, it’s not fresh! No one’s going to buy it!”

Me: “Someone just did!”

Regular Customer: “Well, no one else will because you’re trying to sell them old coffee! I need fresh coffee!” *storms off*

Other Regular Customer: “You’d think she’d have learned just to bring her own d*** coffee by now.”

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S-T-U-P-I-D

, | Right | November 4, 2011

(A woman, about 40 years old, is looking at all our different food and drink items on a list on our front window.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh…what’s j-u-i-c-e?”

Me: *pause* “Er, that’s juice.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(Stands there apparently thinking for about 10 seconds.)

Customer: “I don’t know what that is. Never mind!” *walks away*

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Dieters Are Of A Sweet Disposition

, , , , | Right | December 1, 2010

(A customer approaches the concessions counter.)

Customer: “Can I have a diet soda?”

Me: “Sorry, the fountain here is all out of diet soda.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll just have a regular soda then.”

(I give her the regular soda that she asked for. I then watch as she goes to the condiment table and grabs about 5-6 packets of artificial sweetener, dumping it all into her drink.)

Me: “Um…? What are you doing?”

Customer: “I’m making it a diet soda.”

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Slippery When Wet

, , , , , | Right | August 22, 2010

(I’m working at a football stadium at a Bon Jovi concert. A drunk customer orders a water.)

Customer: “Why can I not have the cap to this!?”

Me: “It’s the policy that we can’t give them to you. People used to throw full bottles onto the field and stages during events and it’s a safety hazard for the performers, athletes, and other members of the audience.”

Customer: *absolutely serious* “Why would ANYONE want to throw ANYTHING at Bon Jovi?!”

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