Me: “I love you.”
Girlfriend: “I love you more.”
Me: “I love you most.”
Girlfriend: “I love you most-est.”
Me: “I love you to infinity.”
Girlfriend: “I love you to infinity and beyond.”
Me: I love you to infinity and Bed, Bath and Beyond.”
Girlfriend: *pause* “I don’t even know how to respond to that.”
(My dad receives a phone call.)
Dad: *to phone* “…No, that’s alright. Bye.”
Me: “Who was that?”
Dad: “Some guy named Ron. He had the wrong number.”
Me: “Don’t you mean the ‘RON’ number?”
Dad: “Ugh.”
(I am at my brother’s house. My son is diabetic, so I have to watch his carb intake. He is four years old.)
Brother’s wife: *to my son* “Do you want a sandwich?”
Son: “Bread?”
Brother’s wife: “Of course with bread!”
Son: “Too many cabbies in bread. Bread is the root of all evil!”
Brother’s wife: “So, no sandwich?”
Son: “SANDWICHES HAVE BREAD! BREAD IS EVIL! I WON’T EAT EVIL!”
(I am visiting my long-distance boyfriend at his home in London. It is my second-last day there, and we are hanging out with his best friend. His best friend is currently eating a package of gummies of various shapes.)
Best friend: “Want to practice?”
Boyfriend: “Sure.”
(I have no idea what they’re talking about until my boyfriend suddenly gets on one knee with a gummy ring in his hand.)
Boyfriend: “Will you marry me?”
Me: *laughing* “Of course! I’ll cherish this gummy ring forever!”
(I eat the ring.)
Best friend: “See, bro? That wasn’t so hard!”
(The practice paid off. He ended up proposing with a real ring the next day, before I went back home! Of course, I said yes!)
(After a sleepover, I return my niece to her parents.)
Her dad: “What has auntie given you as dinner?”
Niece: “My favourite! Chicken and curry-sauce.”
Her dad: “How did she make the sauce?”
Me: “I used grandma’s recipe.”
Grandma: “But I just use the brand sauce.”
Me: “Exactly. I knew I couldn’t go wrong with it!”
