(I am transgender, female-to-male. I have already transitioned at my high school several months ago, and have recently come out to my extremely religious and homo/transphobic parents. My younger siblings, however, are extremely supportive, since they all like me reasonably well already, and my parents haven’t had time to tell them how evil transgendered people are yet. I’m trying to explain the situation to them in a way that doesn’t step on my parents’ toes too much, but also is the truth, since I never lie to my younger siblings about anything.)

Me: “It’s actually pretty simple. I’m just a boy, that’s all. I feel like a boy, and I’m more comfortable being a boy and having other people talk to me like I’m a boy. I just don’t have a body that looks like most boys’ bodies.”

Sister: “I bet Mom hates that though.”

Me: “Well, yeah, but—”

Sister: “That’s because Mom doesn’t believe in fairy tales. Well, she believes in the fake ones that are all sweet and airy-fairy, but not the ones that are…” *she puts her hands up in a monster pose* “DARK and REAL!”

Me: “That is the best way to say it, ever.”

(That is exactly the way that I’ve thought of the differences between my parents and me ever since!)

(My sister has come down with the flu, and is acting pretty sad and childlike.)

Sister: “I wanna hang out with you, but I don’t wanna get you sick!”

Me: “[Sister], again, by this point, I would have already gotten sick. Just don’t cough on me.”

Sister: “Well, I was planning to cough on EVERYTHING YOU LOVE, but okay.”

(My parents live in an area of Pennsylvania that has a large Amish population. My daughter and I visit them from Finland. My daughter is curious about the Amish way of life, and I explain.)

Me: “They don’t use a lot of the technology that we do, like electricity, telephones, and TVs.”

(My daughter seems satisfied. Later, we return from our trip and are visiting friends back in Finland.)

Daughter: “Mom, they don’t have a TV in their living room!”

Me: “Some people don’t watch TV.”

Daughter: *whispering* “They might be Amish!”

(My girlfriend and I are getting cuddly in her bedroom during one of my visits. When we get cuddly, we also get sappy and a wee bit competitive.)

Girlfriend: “You’re infinity amazing to the infinity-eth power.”

Me: “Ooh! Well, uh… you’re infinity amazing to the love power.”

Girlfriend: “That’s less than infinity.”

Me: “What? No, it’s not! Love is worth so much more than infinity.”

Girlfriend: “No, love means zero in tennis.”

(My husband and I are cuddling in bed when my stomach starts to gurgle.)

Husband: “What was that?”

Me: “Sorry, I missed lunch.”

(My stomach gurgles again and my husband pulls my shirt up and taps on my stomach, which gurgles yet again.)

Husband: “It’s talking to me!”

Me: “No, leave it alone; it doesn’t want to talk to you.”

(He taps my stomach and then presses his ear to it.)

Husband: “It says that you need to remember to eat. It also says that you should stop eating so much chocolate.”

Me: “No, lies!”

(My stomach growls loudly.)

Husband: “See!”