(One summer I work at my college as a painter, painting two of the dorms. We tend to get paint on the bottoms of our shoes and accidentally get some paint on the carpets outside suites several times, which we then clean up. Towards the end of the summer, my coworker is just annoyed that it keeps happening.)

Coworker: “I have an idea. Let’s paint the carpets! That way we won’t have to worry about getting paint on it!”

(I work in the dorms at my school, doing some tasks to get ready for the next academic year. One thing that we do is triple rooms, and we have to either bunk beds or loft them to make room. We get to one of the dorms, get ready to bunk and loft the beds… and realize the pins we have to hold the bed frames on top of each other are too big for the holes. Our supervisor decides that the best way to combat this is drill bigger holes and knock the pins in with a hammer. Then this gem happens:)

Coworker: “The pins are going to be hard to take out.”

Supervisor: “I know. But it won’t be you guys taking them out.”

(I love my supervisor sometimes!)

(My boyfriend is spending the night at my college dorm. I don’t have a roommate to keep us up, so we go to bed early. I can’t sleep, though.)

Me: “Babe, I love you, but I can’t sleep. I’m going across the hall to [Friend]’s until I’m tired.”

Boyfriend: *snore*

(I spend about an hour across the hall, and then return. When I open the door, he sits up, bleary-eyed.)

Boyfriend: *slurring* “Where’d ya go?”

Me: “I went across the hall for a while. But now I’m back.”

(I get back into bed and snuggle up with him. He sighs contentedly.)

Boyfriend: “Don’t leave me ever again.”

I attend a women’s college for my undergraduate degree, and understood before moving in that there are some pretty simple rules in place for the dorms concerning guests (i.e. boys). Unfortunately, there are many freshmen students who have trouble either understanding or following the rules. I don’t mind them, but apparently some girls thought it is more important to sneak their boyfriends into the dorms instead of going three miles down the road to the co-ed state college.

Then came the night when the fire department showed up at 1:30 am, because a freshman girl tried to hide her boyfriend in her fold-up bed and he got stuck inside. They had to completely remove the bed from the wall to get him out!

(My friend is sitting on the lower bunk playing a rather glitchy, p*rnographic videogame. I am on the upper bunk, so I can’t see his screen. I am female.)

Friend: “AAAH! NO! BOOBS SHOULDN’T DO THAT!”

Me: “What are the boobs doing?”

Friend: “Oh, no, they stopped… NO! THEY’RE DOING IT AGAIN!”

Me: “Well? What are they doing?”

Friend: “I… I don’t know. I don’t know what to call it. It’s just…”

Me: “Boobs shouldn’t do it?”

Friend: “Exactly.”

(A few moments later.)

Me: “You know, you should probably tell me what the boobs were doing so that I can keep mine from doing it when I’m around [Boyfriend].”

Friend: “No, yours couldn’t do it. They’re too small.”