(I’m a freshman, and I’ve been in the dorms for a whole day. My roommate and I, both guys, are still getting to know each other and the other people in our dorm. We have our door open, so people can come in and say hello. After dinner, a girl walks in. Our dorm is co-ed, with even floors for guys and odd floors for girls, so this isn’t too unusual. We both look up and smile, but she seems flustered.)

Girl: “Guys, we have a problem. I can’t get into too much detail, but my roommate and I had a miscommunication, and neither of us brought our bong. Can we borrow yours?”

(My roommate and I looked at each other.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have one.”

Girl: “Ha, ha, very funny. Please?”

Roommate: “We don’t smoke pot.”

Girl: “Guys, don’t worry, I’m not going to rat you out to the R.A. I’m not a snitch. But I really need to borrow your bong.”

Me: “We don’t have one. We don’t need one.”

(The girls look at us like we’re crazy.)

Girl: “You don’t smoke pot?”

Roommate: “No, we don’t.”

(The girl gives us both another odd look and leaves. We go back to our computers. Then a few minutes later, she reappears.)

Girl: “Are you guys SURE you don’t have a bong?”

(My friend and I are waiting for the elevator in my dorm with a couple of athletic guys. It comes, and we get on, and I push the button for the second floor.)

Guy: *to his friend* “Oooh, looks like SOMEBODY is lazy.”

Me: “Actually, SOMEBODY just got off crutches for a nasty knee sprain yesterday, and SOMEBODY is under orders from her doctor to stay off it as much as possible and avoid stairs. But it does sound like SOMEBODY ELSE likes to jump to conclusions.”

Guy: “…Sorry.”

(One of my friends was at my residence house one night, very drunk, and puked on our porch. We poured water on it to wash it away, but all of the… well, chunks, remained. I am with two of my classmates and we are walking back to my residence house so that we can work on a project. One of my classmates stops the other one before we go inside.)

Classmate #1: “WAIT! You can’t come in unless you can guess what [My Name]’s friend had for dinner last night!”

Classmate #2: “Huh? How would I know—” *he looks down and sees the left over puke and immediately looks away* “EW! OH, MY GOD, LASAGNA!”

(I’m staying at the university halls of residence with one other man and three women. It’s coming up to Halloween and we’re all talking about what we should do for a party.)

Woman #1: “We should decorate. You can do those paper folding things.”

Me: “It’s called origami, and I could.”

Woman #2: “We should do jelly shots, and bobbing for apples.”

Woman #3: “What will you do, [Man]?”

Man: “Maybe raise the dead…”

(We all rolled our eyes as he’s always been a bit strange. Fast forward two weeks and I got an email from him, in between lectures. It was titled ‘Raising the dead.’ I was slightly worried as this was the first email he had ever sent to me, but when I opened it there is a video to download with the only words in the email saying “Our little secret.” The video was of our oven with a tray of cake mix and several miniature zombies and skeletons resting in it. The video was sped up so they quite literally rise in about half a minute. It was the most random thing I’ve ever received and it tickled me for the rest of the day. We’re still good friends, but he has yet to tell me why it had to be a secret, and why he only sent it to me.)

(I return to my dorm room mid-morning to find my roommate and her boyfriend there. He looks exhausted.)

Roommate: “Oh, hey, [My Name], is it okay if [Boyfriend] sleeps in your bed? The sprinklers malfunctioned in his room and woke him up, and his bed is all wet.”

Me: “Erm – can’t he sleep in YOUR bed?”

Roommate: “I just washed all the blankets and he’s kinda wet still, see?”

Me: “No. Just… no. Sorry, [Boyfriend].”

(I had been planning to go to the library, but instead I crawled on to my bed to work to make sure she didn’t stick him in it as soon as I left!)