(While at a stop light, my mother, who’s driving, is looking through her purse.)
Mom: *commenting on the music* “What are we listening to?”
Me: “OK Go.”
(My mom, without looking up, begins to take her foot off the break.)
Me: “Mom, stop!”
(She stops just in time; we almost rear-ended the car in front of us.)
Me: “What are you doing?!”
Mom: “You told me to go.”
Me: “Mom… that’s the name of the band.”
(We’re no longer allowed to listen to ‘OK Go’ in the car.)
(We are driving in the rain after a day trip to the coast. My wife and I are having the ‘Who-Loves-Who-More’ argument.)
Me: *spreading my arms as far apart as I can without letting go of the steering wheel* “Well, I love you this much!”
Wife: “Well, I love you from here all the way to there!”
(She points at a nearby hill. Less then a second later, the top of the hill is struck by lightning.)
Me: “S***! I guess you win.”
(My boyfriend and I have just started dating. It is a bit awkward and relaxed at the same time, since we have spent about ten years being buddies. One day he decides to be romantic and take me on a road trip to a really nice old restaurant, sort of a back-roads place, hard to get to, lots of pretty scenery; which he knows I like.)
Me: “Babe, are you sure you know where you’re going?”
Boyfriend: “Uh… why?”
Me: “Well, you’re driving the wrong way down a one way street.”
(We finally find our way again, and eventually find the restaurant.)
Me: “It looks really dark. It is closed?”
(It turns out it wasn’t just closed for the night, but it had closed permanently. The day before.)
Boyfriend: “Could this get any worse?”
(Then the allergies hit and my boyfriends eyes start running and his nose gets stuffed up. He has a sneezing fit, and a huge, bloody tinged, lumpy booger flies out his nose, ricochets off the steering wheel, and lands smack on my forehead, while his next sneeze plasters the steering wheel with snot.)
Me: *laughing hysterically* “BWAHAHAHAHAHA.”
Boyfriend: *purple with embarrassment* “Not… one… word!”
(We start driving back. About a block before he gets to my house to drop me off, the car runs out of gas. I have to push it to my house for him to park while his mom buys some gas.)
Boyfriend: “Just kill me now.”
(I drive a truck, and my nephew is accompanying me. My nephew is still in a car seat, and the law states that it is illegal to have a car-seat in a seat with an air-bag.)
Me: “All buckled up! Alright, let’s get going.”
(She gets all strapped in herself, then realizes she has left the passenger air bags on.)
Me: “Oh, shoot!”
Nephew: “What’s the matter?”
Me: *having trouble with the part that turns off the airbags* “I forgot to turn the airbag off.”
Nephew: “What’s an airbag?”
(She finally turns it off.)
Me: “Well, if we get into an accident, it’s kind of like a big balloon that stops you from moving.”
Nephew: “Oh, so you don’t want me to have that?”
Me: “No, it’s not that. It’s against the law to have it on with you in the truck.”
Nephew: “Oh, so no one wants me to be safe in the car?”
(He begins to tear up and sniffle.)
Me: “You are right. What am I thinking?”
(I pretend to fiddle around with the dashboard.)
Me: “There we go, all turned back on.”
Nephew: “Yay! You do love me!”
(My husband and I are on our way to Burning Man. There are more than a few kinky themed events. We don’t typically participate in them as we are more the monogamous nerdy type. Regardless, it’s fun to read through the guide and see how the kinkier half lives. I’m reading aloud to him when I come across a bondage camp offering classes and free ‘playtime’ on their equipment.)
Me: “Ooh!” *wiggling my eyebrows* “This camp has open dungeon time.”
Husband: *looks up with genuine excitement* “Like, we could kill orcs, and get experience points and stuff?!”
Me: “And that, my love, is why we will never be the cool kids.”
