(My parents and I are driving through downtown; my father is in the driver’s side. I grow bored and decide to make a mini airplane, which I throw at my mother.)

Mom: *jokingly* “Surprised she didn’t write any insults on it!”

(Being the sarcastic teenager I am, I make another mini airplane with the word “Insults” written on the side, and throw it.)

Mom: “Oh, aren’t you funny? She wrote ‘insults’ on it!”

Dad: “What’s it say?”

Mom: “‘Insults.'”

Dad: “What kind of insults?”

Mom: “No, just ‘insults.'”

Dad: “There could be a lot of different insults!”

Mom: “It says ‘Insults’!”

Dad: “But what KIND of insult? Is it mean?”

Me: *laughing so hard I can hardly breathe* “It says the word ‘insults.’ I didn’t write any actual insults!”

Dad: “Oooh. How was I supposed to know that?”

(It is raining hard and cold, and my windshield ices over thickly. I can’t see anything so I pull over and turn on my hazard lights.)

Police: “You can’t stop here.”

Me: “It’s an emergency. I can’t see out.”

Police: *mimicking* ” You can’t see out… You’re blocking traffic.”

Me: “There’s no one else on the road.” *it is early morning*

Police: “License and registration!”

(I give them to him.)

Police: “And insurance!”

(I give that also. He runs them a few times, trying to catch me on something. Luckily, I had just updated everything so there is nothing. After 30 min, he comes back, looking less sure and more disappointed. By now the rain has lessened and my windshield is clear.)

Police: “You have a good record and no convictions so… I’ll let you go. This time!”

(He wrote a warning to me and drove off. I tossed it in my car’s trash bag. I guess he would’ve rather I hit a pole instead of stopping and clearing my windshield.)

(My sister, my mum, and I are driving home. My mum is known for being a bit of a stickler for the rules of the local council of which she is a member; regardless of whether they have been passed or not. As we’re driving through my village we pass the 40 MPH speed sign and my mum starts clicking her fingers and pointing.)

Mum: “Right, slow down.”

Sister: “Err… why? I’m going at the speed limit.”

Mum: “Slow down.”

Me: “Mum, she just told you she’s already at the speed limit.”

Mum: “Look, the council is considering changing the speed limit to 30. Slow down.”

Sister: “But the sign still says 40!”

Mum: “Look, what the council say goes; now, slow down!”

Me: “But you just said it’s not actually been passed yet, correct?”

Mum: “That’s not the point. They are still changing—”

Sister: “Mum, seriously, it’s not even a law yet. I’m not doing anything wrong!”

Mum: “No, you are; the council is—”

Me: “Yes, but you just said the word ‘considering,’ meaning it hasn’t been passed yet, so therefore the current limit stands?”

Mum: *sighs* “That’s not the point.”

Me: “Sorry, mum, but until that signs reads 30, you have nothing but hearsay going for you; carry on sis!”

(My sister grinned slightly at this. My mum sulked the rest of the way home.)

(In the car with two guy friends who are talking about our zombie apocalypse plans. I’m sitting in the back.)

Me: “What would you guys do if I was turned?”

(They look at each other with evil grins.)

Friend #1: “Oh, honey, at the speed you walk we’re using you as bait.”

(They both start laughing.)

Me: *laughing* “F*** you both. I’m gonna turn and get revenge and eat you both.”

Driver: “We love you, [My Name].”

Me: “Yeah, yeah, love you, too. I’m still gonna eat your faces.”

(My mum and her friend are on their way to pick me up from a restaurant where I’ve been having dinner with a small group of friends. It’s about 10 pm and as they cross over a bridge to get to the restaurant neither of them notice the speed change sign, from 70 to 60 across the bridge back to 70. They get pulled over.)

Officer: “Hello, ladies, do you know why I pulled you over?”

Friend: “Honestly, no.”

Officer: “Well, as you crossed the bridge the speed reduces to 60. Didn’t you notice the sign?”

Friend: *starting to get panicky* “Oh, goodness, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see it.”

Officer: “Where are you ladies headed this time of night?”

Friend: “We’re on our way to [Restaurant] to pick my friend’s daughter up.”

(Looks in at mum.)

Officer: “How old is your daughter, ma’am?”

Friend: “She’s 20”

(Legal drinking age in Australia is 18.)

Officer: “So, she would have had some drinks”

Mum: “Quite possibly, yes.”

Officer: “Well, ladies, because you’re doing a good deed and picking up this young woman so she doesn’t drive under the influence, I’m just going to give you a warning tonight, okay? But, please take care and watch out for speed changes.”

Friend: “Oh, bless you. Thank you. I will watch out. You stay safe, too.”

Officer: “Night, ladies.”

(They arrive at the restaurant and as I jump in the car they tell me about what happened. I start to laugh.)

Me: “So, mum, I guess you didn’t tell him that I don’t have a car or a license?”

Mum: “Well, he didn’t ask about that.”

(I found it amusing too because I was and still am a non-drinker, due to not liking the taste of most alcohol, and all I had been drinking that night was Diet Coke!)