Samir And Amil Are Still Good Scottish Names

(I am assisting a customer in purchasing a new phone contract with us. She has agreed to an upfront payment of £100 to reduce the monthly costs.)

Me: “Will you be using debit or credit card?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “Okay, then I must warn you that there will be an additional charge of £2.50. Are you happy to continue?

Customer: “What compensation will you give me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “For overcharging me?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t clear enough. The additional charge is issued by the bank for the transfer of money. It is out of our control.”

Customer: “So, how much are you going to give me in compensation?”

Me: “Well, nothing. The charge isn’t issued by us; you are still only paying us £100. The £2.50 is for the bank transfer.”

Customer: “Let me get this straight. You are overcharging me for something you are selling me, and I am getting nothing back?”

Me: “We are not overcharging you. This additional cost has absolutely nothing to do with us, and is because you having chosen to use a credit card. You are free to use a debit card, however, at no additional cost.”

Customer: “So, I’ll get something back for using my debit card?”

Me: “No, you would still need to pay the £100. You just won’t incur an additional charge.”

Customer: “So, I’ll get that £2.50 back?”

Me: *realising she will never understand* “Yes, you will.”

(She happily chose debit, but it was declined. She got extremely irate, screamed at me in German, and hung up. She called back and tried to make a complaint. She claimed I was Samir from Honduras — I’m Daniel from Scotland — and said that I had stolen all the money out of her bank account. She was moved on to Fraud/Loss Prevention, where she then claimed I was Amil and had tried to sell her a knockoff phone. The story got increasingly more convoluted until she got so flustered she just hung up.)