Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Store]. How may I assist you?”
Young Male Caller: “Yeah, do you guys got any purple XBox’s?”
Me: *not sure if prank or real* “No. I’m sorry, sir, but there are a lot of online sites that offer custom paint jobs for consoles!”
Young Male Caller: “Well, do you think they would be able to put a picture of my butt on one?”
Me: *now convinced it’s a prank* “Well, I’m not sure if the image will fit but I’m sure they can try!”
Young Male Caller: *click*
(As in many establishments, whenever we answer the phone we always answer with the name of our store, and our location.)
Me: “[Restaurant], Hamilton. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah, I ordered a cake from you guys and I’m supposed to pick it up tomorrow. I want some information changed with the writing on the cake.”
Me: “Okay, could you please give me your information so I can find your order sheet.”
(Customer proceeds to give me his information. We are an extremely small store and so any cake order is simply posted on a cork-board and easy to find. I cannot find his order and I start feeling anxious.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t seem to be able to locate your order sheet.”
(The customer starts getting very angry, calling us incompetent and that he specifically remembers placing this order, etc. I’m trying hard to keep it together because I am not used to people talking to me in the way this customer is. I try to see what I can do.)
Me: “Sir, if you wouldn’t mind calling me back in ten minutes, I’m going to look through the whole store to see if I can find your cake order.”
Customer: “You do that!”
(He hangs up. We have two freezers: one in the front of the store and one in the back. None of the cake orders match his description. I wait for his call back with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I answer the phone, again with the name of the store and location.)
Me: “[Restaurant], Hamilton. How can I help you?”
Customer: *angrily* “Well? Did you find it?”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I couldn’t.”
Customer: “Well you’d better fix this because this is all your fault and you’re going to ruin my mother’s birthday and I’m coming in tomorrow and it better be done! I can’t believe this. Do you even understand how irresponsible you are? How would you feel if someone f***ed up your order?!”
Me: “I would be upset as well, sir. I understand your anger.”
Customer: *condescendingly* “Well, that’s real diplomatic of you, kid.”
(He gives me his order again, then hangs up the phone. I’m really upset now and shaky, and I should have done this before, but I page my manager. When she calls me back, I tearfully explain the whole situation and she’s thoroughly angry at this guy. She has me call the only two other locations we have to check if they have the cake order, which they didn’t.)
Manager: “Wait a minute. Just humour me and call [Famous Ice Cream Chain] and see if they have his cake order.”
(Dubiously, I call the store. Please note, the names of our stores sound NOTHING ALIKE.)
Other Store: “How can I help you?
Me: “Hi, I’m calling from [Restaurant]. I just got a call from angry customer about his cake order. Do you happen to have [Customer]’s cake order?”
Other Store: “Yup. We sure do!”
Me: “Oh, my god, I’m so mad. I’m going to call you back.”
(I hang up and then call my manager.)
Me: “He totally ordered the cake from the other store!
Manager: “I knew it! And you answered the phone with our store name, right?”
Me: “Of course. Twice!”
Manager: “Okay, this is what you’re going to do. Call the store back, tell them to make the changes, and tell them to add this note. ‘Dear, sir, we have made the necessary changes to the cake as you have requested, DESPITE the fact that you called the wrong store multiple times, and we’re extremely rude to an employee of [Restaurant]. You are never to call [Restaurant] and order a cake from us. Sincerely, [Restaurant].”
(I called the other store, explained the situation, and I dictated the note to them, which they wrote down gleefully. I never found out if they actually gave the note with the cake but we never got a call from him again. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when he picked up his cake!)
(I’ve taken a lot of weird calls over the years and have looked up a lot of strange books and have always maintained a level of professionalism, but this almost broke me.)
Customer: *older male voice, with a slightly southern accent* “I’m a disabled veteran and need help getting some books.”
Me: “Okay, what are you looking for?”
Customer: “Well, I really like… uh… stuff with ‘urban’ women in them.”
Me: “Ooooookaaay. Um, we’ve got an urban fiction section.”
Customer: “Oh, good. See, I’m a disabled veteran, and I can’t move around that well, so would you pick some out for me?”
Me: *getting progressively more uncomfortable* “Well, I…”
Customer: “I like the urban books because I like black women. I like the way they smell.”
Me: “…uh.”
Customer: *breaks into laughter* “Sorry, [My Name], I’m just f***in’ with you. That was great though, you were serious the whole time!”
Me: “I hate you.”
(I work in a fast food restaurant as a cashier. A grumpy old man approaches my counter with a voucher.)
Me: “Good morning. How can I help?”
Customer: “I’ll have a bacon and egg muffin with a coffee, and I have a voucher.”
(I take the voucher and ring it up at the discounted price.)
Me: “That’ll be £1.99, please.”
Customer: “What?” *complete with a puzzled/angry expression*
Me: “That’ll cost you one pound and 99 pence, sir.”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “…I’m sorry?”
Customer: “I want to use this voucher, for a free coffee.”
Me: “Yes, with the voucher that costs £1.99.”
Customer: “No, no.”
Me: “Yes, it does, sir. The voucher is for a ‘free coffee with the purchase of a muffin.’ The bacon egg muffin is £1.99, and that’s all you’re paying so the coffee is free.”
Customer: “NO, I want a BACON AND EGG MUFFIN, and I want to use this voucher for a free coffee.”
Me: *at a loss for words* “Well… yeah, that’s fine, but it will cost you £1.99.”
Customer: “No, I’m not following you. You’ve lost me.”
Me: “Okay. You want a bacon egg muffin, and a coffee, yeah?”
Customer: “Yeah.”
Me: “Right, and you have a voucher. It says if you BUY a muffin, the coffee is free, yeah?”
Customer: “Yeah.”
Me: “Okay. So you must buy the muffin, which costs £1.99—”
Customer: “—no! I want to use the voucher.”
Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t explain it any more simply than that. The voucher says you need to buy a muffin to get a free coffee.”
Customer: “You’ve lost me; I want to speak to someone else.”
(I find my manager, who comes to my aid.)
Manager: “Hi, what was it you wanted?”
Customer: “I want a bacon and egg muffin and a coffee with this voucher!”
Manager: “Okay that’ll be £1.99 please.”
(The customer hands over £1.99 with no qualms! I can finally serve the idiot.)
Customer: *in a condescending tone* “That wasn’t difficult now, was it?”
Me: *in an even more condescending tone* “Nope, it really wasn’t.”
(It is a typical day at the ‘upscale’ grocery store I work at, in the bakery section. An older gentleman walks up.)
Customer: “I’ll have one brownie, please.”
(Right as he orders, the ground begins to shake. Glass bottles are clinking on the shelves, signs are swinging. It is pretty obvious we are having an earthquake which is not a normal occurrence in my state. It only lasts about 20 seconds but I stand there in shock for a few more before looking back at the customer.)
Me: “Whoa, that was crazy. Never felt anything like that before. Do you think that was an earthquake or what?”
Customer: *looks at me with a completely straight face and says in a very loud voice, enunciating each syllable very clearly* “I. Said. One. Brownie. Please.”
(I gave him his brownie and he walked away like nothing ever happened with the signs above his head still swinging…)
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