(I work at a popular beauty supply store. A family had been browsing around for quite a while before coming to the front to pay. We offer a discount card which expires annually. The customer didn’t have her card, but I looked up the number and punched it in manually.)

Me: “I see that your card has expired. I can give you some stickers to take home to put on your card so you know when it expires next.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You don’t have your physical card with you, correct? So I’m giving you these expiration date stickers to put on your card at home.”

Customer: “But my card is at home.”

Me: “That’s why I’m giving you the stickers. To put on your card. That’s at your home.”

(My coworker, sensing my frustration, stepped in.)

Coworker: “Your card expired, so she’s giving you stickers to put on your card when you go home.”

(This somehow clicked with the customer.)

Customer: “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?!”

(I am a European student in Paris, working as a night manager/cashier for an Internet cafe. Around 11 pm, three young guys, Americans, come into the store. I notice they are drunk and the store policy states that they should be refused entry. I speak both French and English very well, so I choose English.)

Me: “Good evening!”

Guy: “Hey! We need a computer!”

Me: “I am sorry, it is not possible. You are a bit drunk and the store policy prevents me to serve you.”

Guy: “This is bull-s***! You’re being racist with us!”

(I have to mention that I am white Caucasian, just like they are.)

Me: “I can’t be racist with you in any way! I am not even French myself!”

(One of them starts to insult and threaten me.)

Me: “No problem. If you do not wish to leave, I will call the police.”

(On the counter there is a phone. Before I can move, he takes the phone.)

Guy: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “Please give me back the phone and leave the store at once!”

Guy: “No, and f*** you!”

(At that moment I took out a police-strength pepper spray I had under the counter (I never had to use it before or after, although I had some rough customers sometimes) and shot all three of them in the face. Their faces burned, they run away to a restaurant across the street to wash their faces and then they sat down on the sidewalk for a long time, away from my store. The store itself was barely breathable and I had to evacuate all customers for 15 minutes and give them free drinks. My bosses had nothing to say to this but praise me for making quick decisions and defending their property.)

(I work in a restaurant. Recently we added the option of using a gluten free crust on our pizzas, or a gluten free bun on one of our many different kinds of burgers. However, our veggie burger isn’t gluten free. A customer calls to place an order for pick up.)

Customer: “Is your veggie burger gluten free?”

Me: “No, unfortunately it’s not.”

Customer: “What? Why not?”

Me: “The chef adds wheat gluten for texture. It makes them taste better.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t eat that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We have several other options –”

Customer: “If it’s not gluten free, why is there an option for a gluten free bun?!”

Me: “You can use it on any of the other burgers.”

Customer: “FINE. Just give me the veggie burger, but with the gluten free bun.”

Me: “Okay… That will be ready for pick up in 30 minutes.”

Customer: “UGH. Really?!”

Me: “Yes…?”

Customer: “Then just FORGET it. Cancel the whole thing!” *hangs up*

(A young customers enters.)

Customer: “Hi, how much for an eyebrow piercing?”

Me: “Hi, it’s 40 Euros.”

Customer: *sadly* “But I have only 20…”

(This is something a lot of people try to do. It’s pretty annoying for us, because it’s just a loss of time and it’s insulting. They wouldn’t do that in another store.)

Me: “I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do. We use sterile material, sterile gloves, sterile needles, sterile titanium jewelry. This has a certain cost and we have a rent to pay.”

Customer: “But I have only 20.”

Me: “You can pay with a [Credit Card] or withdraw at the ATM right here in the street.”

Customer: “I can’t. I’m on probation and this is my last 20.”

Me: “Maybe you shouldn’t spend them on a piercing, then?”

Customer: “I know there is a place where every piercing costs five Euros.”

Me: *staying calm* “Yes, there are some shops like that. I have to tell you that those shops are really dangerous; they pierce without gloves with non-sterilised jewelry and a lot of people get allergies and infections there. If you don’t have a lot of money, don’t go there.”

Customer: “Okay! Can you give me the directions to get there?”

Me: *shocked* “No! I’m sorry but no, I can’t send you to those scammers!”

Customer: *obviously not getting it* “Can you print me a map?”

Me: *giving up* “You will find a map right here in the subway. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “But you didn’t gave me the address!”

Me: “I won’t. Have a nice day, and please let me get back to work.”

Customer: *slams two broken laptops on counter* “Fix ’em.”

Me: “Um. Okay. What’s wrong with them?”

Customer: “I don’t know; that’s your job, not mine.”

Me: “Sure thing. Do you happen to have a warranty on these by chance?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Why?”

(At this point, I’m plugging both laptops into the wall under my desk via the chargers the customer has supplied, so I can attempt to boot them up.)

Me: “Well, these appear to be a little bit older. If they are out of warranty, we can work with you on services for rep—”

(The customer begins yanking on the power chords, which are now plugged in under the counter. The “bricks” on the chargers are swinging very close to my face. He yanks hard enough to free both chargers from the wall, and they come inches from smacking me in the face hard.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, was that necessary?”

Customer: “I’m not paying you to fix my s***, you a**-hole! Fix it or I’m throwing them at you!”

(At this point, management has come over to the counter and asked the customer to leave. He looks right at me.)

Customer: “You want to go outside, buddy?”

Me: “Sir, are you serious?”

(The customer is escorted to the front of the door, detained by loss prevention, and the police are called. The manager comes up to me afterwards.)

Manager: “Did he come in like that? What just happened?”