(This call takes place on a Saturday.)
Caller: “Do you have any availability this evening?”
Me: “Unfortunately, we’re fully booked. Could I check another date for you?”
Caller: “How about tomorrow?”
Me: “We’re closed Sundays and Mondays.”
Caller: “Oh, so there wouldn’t be any cancellations so I could come in tomorrow or Monday?”
Me: “No, ma’am. We’re closed Sundays and Mondays.”
(I work in a call center for a financial institution; I receive some pretty interesting phone calls. I’m paranoid about submitting too many and getting fired, but I thought this small one might be funny.)
Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”
Caller: *says immediately without pulling up his account information* “I’m looking at my login ID screen.”
Me: *silence to make sure I don’t interrupt him, expecting to hear more about the problem* “Okay. How may I help you?”
Caller: “I can’t log in.”
(I work at a bank. My caller does not understand why the $2500 cheque she deposited was returned, and now she owes the bank.)
Me: “Well, ma’am, the cheque was fraudulent, and there was nowhere to receive the funds so we had to withdraw the money from your account.”
Customer: “But why do I have to pay back if the cheque was a fake cheque?”
Me: “…because you spent all the money.”
Customer: “Yeah, but I did not know it was a fraudulent cheque.”
(This is BS, because she withdrew $2000 as soon as she deposited and then another $500 the next day.)
Me: “Yes, but you still spent the money, so you should go back to the person that gave you the cheque and ask him to give you a new one. Then you can simply deposit it again and you will be fine.”
Customer: “Yeah, well, I don’t know where to find him since he left the country, but I don’t think I should be paying this money back because it was not my fault.”
Me: “Ma’am… did you spend the money or did someone else?”
Customer: “I spent it.”
Me: “Then you have to pay it back.”
Customer: “F*** you.” *hangs up*
(It is the last call of the night. The customer is in California.)
Customer: “You sound like you are from the Bay Area.”
Me: “That is funny, seeing I am on the other side of the country in Florida.”
Customer: “Of course, you sound like you are from there.”
Me: “From Florida?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “I don’t sound Spanish or country or like a snow bird.”
Customer: “No, but you sound middle-class.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “But it is my birthday; follow me on instagram.”
(I’m standing in line to get a few essentials at a chain drug store that I frequently shop at. On this day, there is a new cashier. This exchange happens with the customer in front of me.)
Customer: “I’m returning this! Your f****** store sold me bad milk! I want my money back, NOW!”
Cashier: “I’m sorry about that ma’am… Um, can you hold for just a second so I can get my manager? I’m still new and don’t—”
Customer: “I don’t give a s*** and I am NOT waiting any longer! Give me my money NOW!”
(By this time the manager has come up, no doubt drawn by this woman’s shrieking.)
Manager: “What seems to be the—”
Customer: “Your d*** idiot cashier won’t do my refund! You gave me bad milk and I want my money back!”
Manager: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am. She’s new and doesn’t know how to do a refund yet. But if you show me your receipt, I’d be happy to help.”
Customer: “I don’t have my f****** receipt! You sold me bad milk!”
Manager: “Well, ma’am, I need to be able to look up the purchase. Do you have a loyalty card you used? Or if you used a credit card I can look it up—”
Customer: “H***, no, I don’t have your d*** card! I paid cash, so give me my cash!”
Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but that isn’t—”
Customer: “You’re all just trying to f****** rip me off! You sold me bad milk; my kids could have gotten sick! I never get good service!”
(She continues to scream at them both while demanding her refund. I’ve finally had enough.)
Me: “Hey! IDIOT! If you would shut the f*** up for two seconds, you would probably have been able to get a store credit at the least, but you stood here and shouted at these two girls for doing their job!”
Customer: “Shut up, you stupid b****! It’s not your concern!”
Me: “It is when you are holding me up! You’re being unreasonably rude. And before you claim they sold you ‘bad milk’ read your d*** expiration date!”
(The milk’s label said the sell by date was in fact today.)
Me: “Yeah, so, no, they didn’t. You bought milk and it went bad. Stop abusing them and get the h*** out of here, or I will dump that ENTIRE gallon on your head!”
(The customer stammers and huffs before bolting out of there, leaving the spoiled milk.)
Manager: “[Cashier], let me introduce you to [My Name]; she’s a regular here.”
Me: “You did fine, sweetie. Can I get two packages of [Nicotine Lozenges] and this pizza, please?”
(I work retail, too, and I can’t defend myself at my store. But I do love telling people off other places.)
