(I work in the cafe of a bookstore. It is only my fourth day there. A customer is walking through the bookstore towards the cafe when he yells at me.)

Customer: “Hey! HEY, YOU!”

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “What’s the name of that girl who comes around here? She comes from New Orleans.”

Me: “I’m not sure who you mean, sir.”

Customer: “I don’t know her name, but she comes from New Orleans!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know.”

Customer: *scoffs and talks in a condescending tone* “Well, isn’t it amazing how you all can work so closely together and still know nothing about each other. Such an accomplishment.”

Me: *speechless*

(I work as a shelf stacker in a supermarket, just finishing up my shift when I witness this.)

Male Customer: “Excuse me?”

Female Customer: “Yes?”

Male Customer: “Where’s your child?”

Woman With Female Customer: “I AM her child.”

Male Customer: “Funny child, aren’t you?”

(It turned out the woman had stolen the child parking space from the man who was with his young daughter at the time.)

(All of this happens in an Italian travel agency.)

Customer: “Good morning, I want a plane ticket to the Dallas Airport in Washington.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s no Dallas airport in the state of Washington. Do you want to go to the State of Washington, or to Washington D.C. in Virginia?”

Customer: “I want to go to the city of Washington in the state of Washington, and the airport is called Dallas. I’ve been there before, I know.”

(After a few minutes trying to explain that the city of Washington D.C. is different from the state of Washington…)

Me: “Ma’am, maybe you want to go to the Dulles airport, Washington D.C.?”

Customer: “Dallas, as I said. City of Washington, state of Washington.”

Me: “Ma’am, the city of… never mind. Here’s your ticket. Have a nice journey.”

(I still wonder how she came back from Washington the first time, asking for an airport in Milan, state of Milan.)

Customer: “Can you write ‘Happy Birthday Jorge?'”

Me: “Sure, how do you spell that?”

Customer: “Uh… W-H-O-R-E.”

Me: “Say that again?”

Customer: “W-H-O-R-E with an accent on the E. He is Venezuelan.”

Me: “…okay.”

(I work at a smaller, family run hotel known for its pet-friendly policy. All pets are welcome, but owners must sign a waiver form and leave an additional deposit in case their pet does something to the room or another guest.)

Me: *checking guest in* “All right! Are any pets staying in your room?”

Guest: “No, just me and my best friend.”

Me: *hands over keys* “Okay, well, have a nice stay!”

(Five minutes later, I see the same guest walking past me to the elevator with a large Doberman dog.)

Me: “Oh, excuse me, [Guest], I must have heard wrong. I thought you didn’t have a pet.”

Guest: “I don’t have a pet.”

Me: “Umm… Is that dog yours?” *points to dog she is walking*

Guest: “Yes. This is Toby.”

Me: “Oh! Okay… Well, we are a pet friendly hotel, but if you have a pet with you, I just need you to sign a waiver. It is policy.”

Guest: “But I don’t have a pet.”

Me: “Umm… Dogs, last I checked, are considered pets.”

Guest: *offended tone* “Excuse me?! This is Toby! He’s my best friend. He’s not a pet!”

Me: “Well… regardless of how you like to classify Toby, a dog, to our hotel, is a pet… Thus, you have to sign a pet form.”

Guest: *getting angry* “Stop calling Toby a pet! He’s not a pet! He’s my friend! I’m not signing a form because he’s not a pet. Stop being racist!”

(My boss is okay with us calling out crazy when we have to, so…)

Me: “Listen, lady, I do not like being called a racist. Furthermore, as far as I’m concerned, all canines are considered pets by this establishment and require a waiver to be signed. However you want to classify Toby is up to you, but for legal purposes, you have to sign the waiver.”

Guest: “Toby… is… not… a… PET!” *starts screaming racial slurs at me and cussing*

Me: “Ma’am, as part of the innkeepers act, I’m banning you, and your PET from the hotel. You have five minutes to get out or else I’ll be forced to call the cops.”

Guest: *leaves in a huff*

(We are the only pet friendly hotel in a 100 mile radius.)