About To Commit A Pet-Hate Crime

(I work at a smaller, family run hotel known for its pet-friendly policy. All pets are welcome, but owners must sign a waiver form and leave an additional deposit in case their pet does something to the room or another guest.)

Me: *checking guest in* “All right! Are any pets staying in your room?”

Guest: “No, just me and my best friend.”

Me: *hands over keys* “Okay, well, have a nice stay!”

(Five minutes later, I see the same guest walking past me to the elevator with a large Doberman dog.)

Me: “Oh, excuse me, [Guest], I must have heard wrong. I thought you didn’t have a pet.”

Guest: “I don’t have a pet.”

Me: “Umm… Is that dog yours?” *points to dog she is walking*

Guest: “Yes. This is Toby.”

Me: “Oh! Okay… Well, we are a pet friendly hotel, but if you have a pet with you, I just need you to sign a waiver. It is policy.”

Guest: “But I don’t have a pet.”

Me: “Umm… Dogs, last I checked, are considered pets.”

Guest: *offended tone* “Excuse me?! This is Toby! He’s my best friend. He’s not a pet!”

Me: “Well… regardless of how you like to classify Toby, a dog, to our hotel, is a pet… Thus, you have to sign a pet form.”

Guest: *getting angry* “Stop calling Toby a pet! He’s not a pet! He’s my friend! I’m not signing a form because he’s not a pet. Stop being racist!”

(My boss is okay with us calling out crazy when we have to, so…)

Me: “Listen, lady, I do not like being called a racist. Furthermore, as far as I’m concerned, all canines are considered pets by this establishment and require a waiver to be signed. However you want to classify Toby is up to you, but for legal purposes, you have to sign the waiver.”

Guest: “Toby… is… not… a… PET!” *starts screaming racial slurs at me and cussing*

Me: “Ma’am, as part of the innkeepers act, I’m banning you, and your PET from the hotel. You have five minutes to get out or else I’ll be forced to call the cops.”

Guest: *leaves in a huff*

(We are the only pet friendly hotel in a 100 mile radius.)