Presumptuousness To Make You Fall Out Your Chair

(I’m minding my own business at the mall. A woman walks up to me.)

Woman: “You don’t need that!”

Me: “Huh?”

Woman: “How shameless! Stealing wheelchairs from people who need them!”

(I lift up my pant leg, revealing my red, atrophied leg. She starts sputtering.)

Me: “Also, this is my personal chair. The one I got through my insurance.”

(She quickly leaves. I call after her:)

Me: “Want to see the scars, too?”