(My boyfriend is a big motor head. I, however, do not get the obsession. We are watching a car show at my parents’ house, who we are staying with over the holidays. Some expensive ‘supercar’ has just come on screen.)

Boyfriend: “That is the sexiest thing I have ever seen.”

Me: “Um… Excuse me? Want to rethink that one?”

(My boyfriend gets very quiet and contemplative before finally responding.)

Boyfriend: “Nope. I’m not getting any tonight anyway. I stand by my statement.”

(I am attending my freshman year of college. On my first break, I’m getting ready to come home and am on the phone with my mother.)

Mom: “Oh, it’ll be so good to have you home! I’ve missed you!”

Me: “Yeah! I’ve missed you, too. Time to pack, I guess.”

Mom: “Oh, do you have any laundry? Bring your laundry home! I want to do something nice for you! Save you some quarters!”

Me: “Wow, really? Thanks! That would be awesome!”

(I take a hamper home with me. My mom does my laundry for old times’ sake. The next day at church, however, I overhear her conversation with the church ladies.)

Mom: “…and you know college students: here she comes, SWANNING in with a bag full of laundry! So typical!”

(All the church ladies sigh and chuckle. Needless to say, I called her out on that one!)

(My wife’s 80-year-old mother lives with us. She is going to visit other relatives for the holidays so we decide to open gifts early. The gift I receive is a new Crock Pot.)

Mom: *craning her neck to try to see the box* “What brand is the Crock Pot?”

Me: “Crock Pot.”

Mom: “I know it’s a Crock Pot, but what brand is it?”

Me: “Crooock, Poooootttt.”

Mom: *looks confused*

Me: “The brand name is Crock Pot. It’s the original makers of slow cookers.”

Mom: *still looks confused*

Me: “It’s like Kleenex. There are many brands of tissue but a lot of times people just call any of them Kleenex. While a lot of people call slow cookers Crock Pots, technically it’s only a Crock Pot if it’s made by Crock Pot. Hamilton Beach makes slow cookers, but they aren’t Crock Pots.”

Mom: *still looks confused*

Wife: “THE BRAND NAME IS CROCK POT!”

(My wife then tries to explain other words that are used generically, like Xerox, and Band-Aid.)

Me: “Crock Pot is the brand of the original maker of slow cookers. Other brands usually will just say ‘slow cooker’ on them because Crock Pot is a brand.”

Mom: “Well, a lot of recipes say Crock Pot, not slow cooker.”

(At this point I decide not to continue the conversation, although inside my head I’m screaming. Later on I see her again looking at the box to figure out what brand it is.)

(I am using the bathroom and hear my six-year-old son in the other bathroom on the other side of the wall.)

Son: “WOOHOO!… WOOHOO!… WOOHOO!”

Me: *yelling loudly so he can hear me through the wall* “GOING POTTY USUALLY ISN’T A REASON TO CELEBRATE LIKE THAT, BUDDY!”

(I am reading an email from my mother aloud, after sending her a message that I was staying at a luxurious hotel.)

Me: “What’s Luxor like? Will you be looking round the ruins and looking at the ‘hydrogriphics?'”

Friend: *reading over my shoulder* “She does know you’re in Mauritius, right?”

Me: “I’m not so sure…”