(My mom and I are leaving a store and are on our way to my cousin’s baby shower. We are almost to the car when this happened:)

Mom: “Thank you.”

Me: “You’re welcome.” *realizing that I hadn’t done or said anything to prompt a thank you* “Umm… what are you welcome for?”

Mom: “I don’t know. I was hoping you weren’t going to ask.”

(We couldn’t leave for another five minutes because we were laughing too hard.)

(We are at a family reunion. There are several younger cousins around, and I get to hear this gem:)

Cousin #1: *running by where I’m seated* “Quick, get the forget-me stick!”

Cousin #2: *following behind* “Aww, I hate the forget-me stick.”

(It’s Friday. I’m sitting in my office when I feel all of my will to work just vanish. I’m contemplating shutting down and leaving early when I hear a coworker somewhere in the corridor hooting like an owl.)

Me: “Hoot?”

Coworker: *sadly* “Hoooot.”

Me: *agreeing* “Hoot hoot!”

Coworker In Office Next To Me: “You’re absolutely right! Let’s pack up and go home!”

(I’m a radio announcer, and occasionally we get telemarketers calling our contest hotline. Sometimes, I try to have a little fun with them.)

Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller] with [Window Company], and we’re going to have people in your area in the next few weeks doing estimates. Are you interested in having them come by?”

Me: “Well, I tell ya what, [Caller]. This is [Radio Station] and you called our contest hotline. If you answer today’s trivia question correctly, we WILL be interested and you can send them by!”

Caller: “Wait, what?”

Me: “28% of people have run over one of these while out driving. What is it?”

Caller: “Um… squirrel?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. But thanks for playing!”

(The telemarketer hangs up. I look up to see the station manager has overheard the call.)

Manager: “And what would you have done if she answered correctly?”

Me: “Well, I guess we’d be getting estimates on new windows.”

(The correct answer was ‘mailbox,’ in case you’re curious.)

(I am talking to my coworker/friend, who has a minor computer problem and wants to contact IT. We know a reliable guy in IT who also happens to have the same first name as one of the people on our team, but one of them is Italian with dark looks, while the other is redheaded and pale.)

Coworker: “I’m going to email [First Name] about my computer now.”

Me: “Yeah. Make sure you don’t email ginger [First Name]!”

Coworker: *suddenly almost whispering* “Hey, you can’t say that!”

Me: “What, ‘ginger'”?

Coworker: “Yeah!”

Me: “Are you saying ‘ginger’ is a derogatory word?”

Coworker: “Kind of…”