(I’m going to be teaching a class on bookbinding at the community center. We have an informational table set up at the local library with a sign explaining the class, an example of a finished book, and a kit of materials you get with the sign up which will be needed in the class. I see a woman looking rather confused at the table.)

Woman: “So… do you know what this class is about?”

Me: “Yes, in fact it’s a class I teach! It’s a two-hour class; basically, we teach you how to create a small journal, like this one.”

(I hand her the sample journal, and she turns it over in her hand.)

Woman: “Okay… but where do I buy a book for the class?”

Me: “You buy the materials when you sign up for the class. It’s all in this kit here.”

(I hand her the kit, and she opens the box and looks inside, confused.)

Woman: “There’s just a bunch of paper and glue in here. I need to buy a book for the class.”

Me: “Yes, and during the class, I will teach you how to turn all that paper into a book, just like this one.”

Woman: “But there’s no book in this box. I need to buy a book for the class.”

Me: “You don’t need to buy a book; the class will teach you how to make your own book.”

Woman: *looking incredulously at me* “That’s not possible. You can’t make a book.”

Me: “I’ve made many books; in fact, I made this sample book.”

Woman: “No, you bought that. I need to buy a book like that so I can take the bookbinding class.”

Me: “What do you think a bookbinding class will teach you?”

Woman: “I don’t know! I want to take the class!”

(At this point, I realize I have a tutorial online showing me binding a book. I pull it out and fast forward through it, showing me folding paper, binding pages, assembling the cover, etc. she watches the whole thing.)

Me: “Basically, for the class I’m going to teach you to do everything I did in that video.”

Woman: “Oh! Okay! So I’ll just need to buy a book like THAT one.” *pointing to the end result book in the video*

Me: “No, you will making a book just like that one.”

Woman: “That’s impossible! No one can make a book!”

(I recently bought a new car that comes with a Bluetooth connection. I use it to call my boyfriend on my way home from work every night. We’ve had our conversation and are saying good night.)

Me: “I love you.”

Boyfriend: “I love you, too.”

Me: “I love you more.”

Boyfriend: *pause* “I love you an ounce less than you love me, because I know how much you like to win.”

(We have been watching a show called ‘Person of Interest,’ in which a married couple hires hitmen to kill each other.)

Me: “Babe, I would never hire a hitman to kill you. I’d do it myself.”

Girlfriend: “I would also kill you myself!”

Me: “Oh, my gosh; that’s so sweet! I love you so much.”

(After ringing up all of the customer’s items:)

Me: “Could I interest you in our special deal of 24 AAA batteries for £5?”

Customer: *seriously* “No, thanks, my wife is happy enough with me.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “That’ll be [total], please.”

(Our grandmother is visiting. Everyone but her is out on errands, and then she hears me come in.)

Grandma: “[My Mother]?”

Me: “Nope.”

Grandma: “Oh, hi, [Brother].”

Me: “Three strikes and you’re out, Grandma.”