Needs To Deli-cately Tell Them To Leave

(It’s time to close the deli. As usual, the last minute customer rushes in in a panic.)

Customer: “You aren’t closed yet are you?”

Me: “No problem, I can still help you. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Ummmmmm, let’s see…”

(Two minutes tick by as the customer sucks at her teeth and disregards suggestions with silence as though I am not there.)

Customer: “How much is this brand of roast beef compared to that brand?”

(I tell her. She doesn’t like it. So I wait…)

Customer: “How many nitrates does this one have?”

(I show her the back of the meat package.)

Customer: *pouts* “This doesn’t tell me anything.”

(And I am supposed to know?)

Customer: “How long until it expires?”

(I told her. She then ordered three very thin slices of bologna and left, ignoring my thanks. How wasteful and irritating it was to open a whole package of meat, at closing time, for someone who practically came to the counter to enjoy treating someone else like crap.)