Money Makes The Mail Go Round

(I have two roommates, one of whom is totally grounded and a bit cynical — [Roomie #1] — and one of whom… clearly didn’t get much of a financial education growing up — [Roomie #2]. She’s not terrible with money in general, but there’s a lot about finances and even basic things like common marketing techniques that she’s only catching onto now that she’s on her own. One day, she brings in a huge stack of mail.)

Roomie #2: *starts going through the stack with an annoyed groan* “What do all of these people want?!”

Roomie #1: “Money.”

Roomie #2: “Ha. They’re not all bills.”

Roomie #1: “Doesn’t matter. They still want your money.”

Roomie #2: “Come on. Not every piece of mail can be about money. Some letters from the bank are for credit card offers and such.”

Roomie #1: “So you’ll open an account and spend money.”

Roomie #2: “There’s an ad for a show at the theater.”

Roomie #1: “So you’ll buy tickets.”

Roomie #2: “There are some coupons.”

Roomie #1: “So you’ll spend money at those stores.”

Roomie #2: “Right… but… you need groceries anyway, so…”

Roomie #1: “Still getting you to spend money. Do you normally shop at those stores, and for the things they’re advertising?”

Roomie #2: “I mean… maybe a couple. Look, here’s a letter from your university!”

Roomie #1: “For alumni?”

Roomie #2: “Yeah!”

Roomie #1: “They want a donation.”

Roomie #2: “Well… Here, I got a perfectly lovely letter from a charity.”

Roomie #1: “They want a donation.”

Roomie #2: “At least it’s for a good cause!”

Roomie #1: “And yet my point still stands. What they care about is getting your money. Besides, how much do you really know about this charity?”

(There’s a pause. [Roomie #2] is clearly trying to come up with an argument. [Roomie #1] looks her square in the eye.)

Roomie #1: “Honey, unless it’s from someone you personally know, you will never get a single piece of mail that isn’t after your wallet, including wedding invitations.”

Roomie #2: “Wedding…?”

Roomie #1: “Have you ever shown up to a wedding without a gift? Ever been in a bridal party?”

([Roomie #2] slowly looked back down at the giant pile of mail, and we could see her mind being blown. She was a bit sad after that, having realized that no one will ever send her a letter without trying to get something out of her, or at least without strings attached. It made me a bit sad, too, but I think now she’ll be safer from unnecessary spending and possible scams.)