Maybe Presumptuous Customers Are Your Trigger?

I was recently diagnosed with IBS. One of my symptoms, when I eat a trigger food, is that I bloat up pretty bad. Today is one of those days. I’m still trying to figure out what my trigger foods are, so this has happened several times, usually at work. Therefore, I’ve taken to wearing loose tunic tops until I can sort the bad foods out.

A customer comes in, and despite my discomfort, I’m attempting to help her as best I can. Please note that I’m at a healthy BMI for my height.

Customer: “Oh, congratulations!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You must be so excited.”

Me: “About what?”

The customer sighs heavily.

Customer: “When are you due, sweetie?”

Me: “Due? Oh! You must have me confused with someone else. I’m not pregnant.”

Customer: “Then you just have a large tummy, like me!”

I stare at her for a moment. She’s smiling cluelessly at me.

Me: “Ma’am, I have a medical condition that causes me to bloat up when I eat the wrong food. I’m neither pregnant nor fat.”

Customer: “Oh. Oh! I didn’t intend to… um…”

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Will there be anything else?”

Customer: “No, no.”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

She booked it out the door. I discovered after much trial and error that popcorn, of which I’d had a small bowl, is my primary trigger food.