Making An Oat-Meal Out Of It

(I’m the customer here, and I am not proud of this. Every day I get these little bagel balls, kind of like donut holes, but filled with cream cheese. They’re delicious. I decide to change it up.)

Cashier #1: “Hi, [My Name]! Are you getting your bagels?”

Me: “No, I’m going to change it up today. Can I please get a chocolate and caramelized banana oatmeal?”

Cashier #1: “Sure thing!”

Cashier #2: “Nope, you can’t have that!”

Me: “But it looks yummy.”

Cashier #1: “She can have it if she wants it!”

Cashier #2: “Nope, she’s allergic to nuts; I’m not doing 911 again.”

Me: “Hey, I was fine with my Epipen; y’all are the ones that called 911! But yeah, no nuts. Can I have the blueberry one, then?”

Barista: *yelling over the noise* “NO! YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE OATMEAL!”

My Husband: “He’s right; you don’t! Why are you ordering it if you don’t like it?! Jesus, you’re holding up the line!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I don’t. It has chocolate and looked yummy!”

My Husband: “YOU DON’T LIKE OATMEAL!”

Cashier #1: “Would you like your bagels?”

Me: *sheepishly* “Yes, please.”

(While we are waiting for our drinks at the side counter…)

My Husband: “Wait. How does he know you don’t like oatmeal?!”

Barista: “We’ve already done this song and dance a few times now.”