I Wish I Had A Tenth Of Her Audacity

A few years ago, I got a knock at the door and there was this older woman standing there.

Me: *Politely* “Can I help you?”

Woman: “I saw the ornamental lantern in your window, and I want to buy it from you.”

Points for actually wanting to pay, I guess.

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not for sale.”

Woman: *Annoyed* “But I offered to buy it! I’ve wanted one for years! I’ll give you £5 for it.”

Me: “It’s not for sale.”

Woman: “But I want one!”

At that point, I was getting angry, and instead of just shutting the door I said:

Me: “Look, lady, I’m not selling it. And not that it’s any of your business, but it was a gift from a recently passed relative, and even if I was ready to part with it, it wouldn’t be to you. You want one that bad, try a shop.”

Woman: “But they cost a fortune in the shop! I offered you £5!”

Me: *Laughing* “So, you tell me that they cost a fortune, but you want me to sell it to you for £5? Not happening! Even if I was willing to sell it for that much, it wouldn’t be to you because of your crappy attitude toward me.”

To be honest, I probably would sell it for less if I sold it because it was slightly dented in the back.

Woman: “BUT I WANT ONE!”

Me: “Oh, well. You’re not getting that one. Sucks to be you, lady!”

I went to close the door at that point, so she stuck her foot out to stop me.

Me: *Politely* “I suggest that you move your foot, or you’ll have to drive yourself to A&E with a damaged foot as this door is closing either way. You have two minutes to decide whether to go away or I’m calling the police.”

She finally walked away.

Me: “Don’t ever come back!”

I later looked the lanterns up, and £5 secondhand is still an insult; they were going for around £40 secondhand. Maybe if she’d had a better attitude, I might’ve considered it; my relative wouldn’t have minded.

It’s still in pride of place in the window, so that lovely lady — sarcasm noted, I hope — can see it when she drives past. I wonder if she ever did get one…