He Will Always Be Wondering About Women

(I’m in a local comic book store, shopping for my roommate for a birthday present. Unfortunately, I know NOTHING of comics, so I’m going in a bit overwhelmed. There are only a handful of people in there and I see no one at the counter, so I decide to look around a bit to try and figure everything out myself before I seek out an employee for help. I’m stopped, leafing through some Wonder Woman comics in an aisle when a guy sidles up beside me.)

Guy #1: “Wonder Woman, huh?”

Me: *surprised* “Oh! Hi, yeah. I never actually read any of these. I’ve only seen the movie.” *nervous chuckle*

Guy #1: *snorts* “Figures.”

(I’m now very much aware that one, he is definitely not an employee, two, he’s picking up that I know nothing of comics — because I just TOLD him — and three, he’s very much criticizing me for the lack of nerd-cred I posses)

Me: *curt* “Uh-huh.”

(I continue to study the comics and open one up, trying to ignore the guy who’s still just standing there, staring at me.)

Guy #1: “Do you even know Wonder Woman’s real name?”

Me: *knows, but want to get him off my back* “Nope.”

Guy #1: “Really? Wooow. How can you even consider yourself to be a fan, then?”

(I actually kind of laugh at how ridiculously stereotypical this conversation is getting.)

Me: “Never said I was a fan, dude.”

(I keep reading in a random part of the comic as he stands there, full-on turned towards me and staring. Finally, after what feels like FAR too long, he harumphs away to the other end of the aisle. I set down the comic and start making my way out, when another guy stops me.)

Guy #2: “Hey, you need any help?”

Me: “Oh, uh… Well, yes, actually. I don’t know where to start, though.”

(He’s dressed all in casual black, so I assume him to be an employee. He shows me around to the areas of my roommate’s favorite characters, recommends what comics and doodads he may like, and even makes some recommendations of what I may like. Eventually, after all is said and done, we pass by the original man I saw.)

Guy #1: “You know he doesn’t even work here, right?”

Me: “You don’t?”

Guy #2: *pointedly making eye-contact with [Guy #1]* “Nah, but I saw how that a**hole was treating you and thought I’d be better than that.”

(I swear, the look on [Guy #1]’s face was PRICELESS. It was a mix of shock, rage, dumbfoundment, and pain. It was like he was given a puppy for Christmas and it exploded into confetti in front of him. We kept walking before he could say another word, rang the service bell, and checked out together. I’ve never gone back to the store, but I stayed friends with [Guy #2] on social media. Unfortunately, my roommate already owned two out of the three things I got him, but he was able to exchange the two comics and was ecstatic about the third item, which he was originally saving up for. As for me, I’ll always treasure the memory of that one time a grown man practically had an aneurysm over being called out for being a jerk.)