(Since we are in a college town, are open late, and serve fast food, we tend to get a lot of intoxicated students. They’re usually not much of a problem and I like to listen to their drunken conversations as I clean tables around them.)
Drunk Guy #1: “The last time I went to church was for my nephew’s coronation.”
(I stop in my tracks.)
Drunk Guy #2: “…His what?”
Drunk Guy #1: “His… conformation?”
(I’m driving my friend to her job which is on the way to one of my classes. My phone buzzes and I grab it.)
Friend: “What is going on with your phone?” *sees it is a text* “Ooh! What’s her name? What’s her name? What’s her name?”
Me: *silence*
Friend: “Unless you’re gay, then his name?”
Me: “Her name is ‘temporary pin for my Verizon registration.'”
Friend: *uncontrollable laughter*
(I visit two of my friends at their house while we are all at university. Friend #2 is notoriously lazy. I overhear the following conversation.)
Friend #1: “I’m going to the kitchen. Do you want anything?”
Friend #2: “Oh, I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
Friend #1: *grinning* “In that case, I’ll have a jog followed by a cold shower.”
Friend #2: “Ah, go to h***.”
(A friend has excitedly posted on Facebook after her long term boyfriend proposed.)
Friend: “Oh, my god! He’s finally proposed” *posts picture of her gorgeous ring*
(We all congratulate her. Later she posts that another of her friends has complained about her posting on Facebook.)
Friend: *upset* “I apparently rained on someone’s parade. How dare I post about my engagement on someone’s birthday; it was supposed be HER day not mine.”
Me: “Maybe next time she should give [Fiancé] her diary so he knows when to propose or make any important plans on HER days…”
(I am around 11 years old. I am at a nail salon with my best friend and around 12 other girls to get our nails done for her birthday. They also do waxes. I am reading their sign for the different kinds.)
Me: “Hey, [Best Friend’s Mom], what’s a bikini wax?”
Best Friends Mom: “That’s… something to ask your own mom, sweetie.”
