Engaged To The House

(I am roughly nine years old when this happens. I have stolen several of my mother’s rings and am running around and proposing to any girl I see. My mother is very annoyed at that and begins scolding me. After ten minutes of scolding, she gives this lecture as a means of getting me to stop stealing her jewellery.)

Mom: “Besides, in Singapore, guys don’t use rings when they ask girls to marry them. They ask if they want to get a [slang for government flat] together.”

(There is apparently a law in Singapore that states that if someone wants to buy property, they must be over 35 or married.)

Me: “But that’s not how [Cousin] proposed to [Cousin’s Wife]! He knelt and had a ring.”

Mom: “[Cousin] has watched too many Hollywood movies and is not a good example. He is an outlier. That wasn’t normal.”

Me: “I don’t believe you!”

Mom: “Ask your sister how she got engaged then.”

(So, that’s what I do, immediately running out of the room and going to my big sister and her fiancé in the dining room.)

Me: “[Sister] how did [Fiancé] propose to you?”

Sister: “He didn’t.”

Fiancé: “Your big sister was the one that proposed.”

Me: *befuddled* “Huh, but don’t guys… Never mind. How did you do it?”

Sister: “I asked if [Fiancé] wanted to get a [slang for government flat] together with me.”

Fiancé: “I said yes.”

Mom: *triumphantly* “I told you so!”

Me: *speechless*

(That was, apparently, indeed how my big sister proposed to her childhood sweetheart. She asked if he wanted to get a flat with her and when he pointed out that they couldn’t buy property, she wordlessly slipped a marriage registration form across the table. It took me quite a while to realise that my mother was conning me. My big sister was an outlier and not the norm. Regardless, I stopped stealing my mom’s rings and getting down onto one knee. Instead of “Will you marry me?”, I began asking the much less volatile “Shall we get a house together?” instead.)