Dressing Up The Scariest Thing Ever… RETAIL!  

My wife and I decide to browse a local chain craft store for Halloween decor inspiration. Being a few days until the spooky holiday and children at heart we opt to wear novelty T-shirts with velcroed-on capes.

We know this store very well and purposefully stride towards the back where clearance is stocked. A man stops me by stepping in front of me blocking my path.

Male Customer: “Do you guys have any mahogany. You know, wood?”

Me: “This chain doesn’t carry furniture parts and exotic woods are scant, but try the far side of frames. They usually have an end cap of small boards and the like.”

Male Customer: “You aren’t going to take me?”

Me: “I… guess? I don’t work here.”

The man immediately changes his body language and apologizes.

Male Customer: “You don’t? Oh, man, I’m sorry. Yesterday the staff was all dressed up.”

Me: “They don’t even pay me to look this fabulous!”

Later that same shopping trip, a woman approaches me shyly:

Female Customer: “Do you know where Halloween googly eyes would be?”

Me: “I don’t work here, but I happen to know where the normal googly eyes are. The Halloween section is pretty sparse.”

I take the woman to the googly eye area.

Me: “Take a little black acrylic paint and add slanted eyelids to make these look sinister!”

Female Customer: “Hmm, I really wanted pre-done ones. You don’t have anything else?”

Me: “I don’t think they do, sorry. Have a good one!”

I leave and continue to browse, thinking nothing of the encounter. About ten minutes later, I hear the same woman hollering, “HEY!” on loop in my direction. Curious, I glance over her way and she waves frantically.

Female Customer: “What’s your name?!”

Me: *Confused pause* “[My Name].”

Female Customer: “Well, [My Name], I found them!”

She triumphantly holds up two bags, one of eyeball bouncy balls, the other of googly eye novelty rings. She points to a chaotic, destroyed display.

Female Customer: “They were here. So you know when the next customer asks.” 

I can practically see the gears turn in her head when this advice isn’t met with enthusiastic cheers.

Female Customer: “Wait. You. You don’t work here do you?”

Me: “It’s okay. Glad you found them.”

The customer turned a few shades of pink before scampering towards the registers.

The best bit was when I was telling my wife about my unintended seasonal job and asked where she was during the exchange. She’d been commandeered by yet another needy customer to explain the different brush types to a confused mother and teen daughter who had called the manager over to compliment her customer service skills. While I was being berated for my lack of seasonal product knowledge, she was in the midst of getting a raise!