Comedic Hyperbole Isn’t My Cup Of Tea

While visiting my grandad’s side of the family, I’m voluntold to make tea for everyone. My aunt offered first, but my dad told her I was going to make it. I check who wants drinks and go to make them.

As I go to put sugar in the cups, I realise I’ve never made tea for my grandad’s wife before, so back I go to the living room to ask. I run into my dad on the way there.

Dad: “Where are you going?”

Me: “I forgot to ask [Grandad’s Wife] how much sugar she wants.”

Dad: “She has sixteen sugars.”

Me: “Sixteen? That’s a lot of sugar.”

Dad: “Yep. Oh, and she doesn’t have her tea stirred.”

I make her tea according to my dad’s specifications and bring them all through.

Grandad’s Wife: “Oh, this doesn’t taste right.”

Me: “Did I do it wrong? I tried not to stir it, but I had to use the spoon to take the teabag out. Did that stir it too much?”

Grandad’s Wife: “You didn’t stir it? Why not?”

Me: “Because Daddy said not to stir your tea?”

Grandad’s Wife: “What? That’s not—”

Dad: “Did you actually not stir it?”

Me: “But I thought you told me not to?”

Dad: “How much sugar did you put in it?”

Me: “Sixteen.”

Grandad’s Wife: “Sixteen?”

Me: “You said [Grandad’s Wife] wanted sixteen sugars in her tea.”

Aunt: “[Dad]!”

Dad: “I wasn’t expecting her to actually do it! No one has sixteen sugars in their tea, [My Name].”

Me: *Very confused* “But you said—”

Dad: “I can’t believe you actually put sixteen sugars in [Grandad’s Wife]’s tea.”

I asked my grandad’s wife what she actually wanted in her tea and remade it for her. 

I dunno why I even believed him in the first place. Maybe it had something to do with me being an autistic fourteen-year-old who trusted that her dad wouldn’t lie to her and had always taken his instructions literally? No, couldn’t be. (Heavy sarcasm.)