All These Assumptions

I am in late middle school or early high school. A (female) friend of mine invites me (also female) to her house one day for a gaming hangout; between my figure and my clothing and hairstyle choices at the time, I’m the first to admit that I look very androgynous, but my voice is very obviously female.

When we get to her place, her father comes up to us in the entryway. As soon as he sets his eyes on me, he immediately and loudly yells my friend’s full name in the you-f***ed-up tone that parents tend to use.

Friend: “Dad, you and Mom already said I could invite a friend over!”

Her Dad: “You should know better than to lie to me to get your dates in the house, missy! I’ve told you several times that you are not to bring boys home!”

Me: “I’m a girl.”

Her Dad: “Oh, uh…”

Friend: “And it’s kind of rude of you to assume that me bringing a boy home automatically means he’s my date or vice versa!”

Her Dad: “What the h*** is the ‘vice versa’ in that situation?”

Friend: “If I did bring a date home, what makes you so sure that it would be a boy?”

Her father gets very red in the face but retreats into the kitchen. One afternoon of gaming later, I’m preparing to leave when her mother gets home, and the three of us end up meeting in the entryway where — surprise, surprise — she ends up thinking I’m a guy, too.

Her Mom: “Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”

Me: “Hey, at least you didn’t blow up at [Friend] for bringing a guy home, thinking he was a date.”

Her Mom: “I… What?”

Friend: “Yeah, Dad started yelling at me all angry. ‘I told you not to bring dates home! Why did you lie to me to bring a boy here?!’”

Her Mom: “Did he, now?”

You know that tone someone uses when they’re angry, but they’re not angry at YOU? Her mother bid me a good day, asked [Friend] where her dad was, and warned me not to forget my jacket when I was halfway out the door without it, all in THAT tone.

The next school day, my friend told me that her father’s “you are not allowed to bring boys home” rule turned out to NOT be a collective decision that her mom was involved with, and her father had spent the weekend on the couch.

For what it’s worth, my friend and I both eventually realized we were bi, though we’ve never dated.