As Clear As Gay

(After going away on holiday, I return to work with a diamond ring on my left hand. My colleagues are coming over to congratulate me, when I’m approached by one of my senior managers.)

Manager: “Congratulations on your engagement! When is the happy day?”

Me: “Depends when we can book the venue, but both April and I have always wanted to get married in December.”

Manager: “Wait, you and April? You’re marrying a woman?!”

Me: “Well, the law states that it’s a civil partnership, but to us, it is a wedding.”

Manager: “You’re a lesbian… since when?”

Me: “Um, all my life. I’ve been with April for six years. Did you really not know I’m gay?”

Manager: “I’ve never seen any indication that you were.”

Me: “So, after being a member of the LGBT network, appearing in the staff magazine explaining the rights policy, and coming into work a month ago talking about how I got sun burnt from the Pride Festival, you really didn’t realise I was gay? Who did you the think the woman I brought to the Christmas party was?”

Manager: “I thought she was your sister.”

(My colleague, who has been listening to our conversation from across the room, chimes in.)

Colleague: *to my manager* “If you think that was her sister after you saw them kissing under the mistletoe, I have some questions about your family.”