A Touching Story But Not That Way

Our small convenience store’s automatic doors are broken, so we’ve put up signs to inform customers to push the doors open. It’s very cold right now, so having them open all the time is out of the question.

A customer comes up to the door and almost hits it when it doesn’t open automatically. They stare at it for what seems like a long time, and then their eyes finally find the sign. After reading it, they do not make any attempt to open the door, but instead, they start peering through the glass, calling for help.

Me: *Opening the door manually* “Are you all right?”

Customer: “Finally! I’m freezing out here! Why are your doors locked?!”

Me: “They’re… not? The automatic doors aren’t operational right now, so you have to push to enter, but they’re not locked.”

Customer: “You mean I have to—” *sniffs in disgust* “—touch the store?”

They said, “Touch the store,” not, “the door”. I remember that very clearly.

Me: “Yes, you will have to touch the door… that’s part of the store.”

Customer: “No, no, no. I don’t touch the store. Stores are not for touching. You should have an employee manning the door! The employees can touch the store.”

Me: “I will pass that suggestion over to management.”

Customer: “Good. Good. I make too much money to touch the same things you people touch.”

And with that, they marched into the store as if they had just said something totally normal. I totally ignored them when it was time for them to exit through the same door.