To Thine Own Self Be Rude

| Working | July 8, 2012

(I am a female, as is my manager.)

Manager: “You know, [my name], you really do a good job…”

Me: “Well, thanks—”

Manager: “…which is surprising, because I really don’t like women. They’re so needy and…I don’t know. They just suck. Don’t women suck?!”

Me: “Um. I…suppose? I’m going to get back to work now.”

Manager: “Oh, right. See what I mean? You’re so good at this job!”

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Bun King Doesn’t Have The Same Ring

, | Working | July 7, 2012

(My family and I go to a fast food restaurant chain. It aptly has “Burger” in its name, as it sells mostly hamburgers and cheeseburgers.)

My Mother: “I will also need one burger.”

Cashier: “One what?”

My Mother: “One regular burger.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell burgers here.”

My Mother: *confused* “You don’t sell burgers here?”

Cashier: “No, we only sell cheeseburgers and hamburgers. No burgers!”

My Mother: *speechless*

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El Puerco Sabe Mas Que Tu

| Working | July 6, 2012

(This conversation happened back when the entire country was worried about swine flu.)

Coworker: “Doesn’t swine flu come from, like, birds or something?”

Manager: “No, you’re thinking of Bird Flu. It is completely different.”

Me: “Swine Flu comes from pigs. Swine means pig.”

Coworker: “Oh…well, I don’t speak Spanish, so I wouldn’t know that!”

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Bug-Eyed, Brain-Fried

| Working | July 6, 2012

(It is about 2 am, and I have been driving for about nine hours. I am about two hours from my destination and am now traveling on backroads. I have rolled all of my windows down, as the night air is very cool. This happens after I had pump some gasoline.)

Me: “Do you have any 5-hour Energy shots?”

Female Employee: *stares at me wide-eyed*

Me: “Do you know know what 5-hour Energy is?”

Female Employee: *eyes widen* “Bug!”

Me: “Bug?”

Female Employee: “BUG!” *points at the collar of my shirt*

(I look down and see the biggest moth I have ever witnessed in my life. I shriek like a little girl, knock it off my shirt onto the floor, and step on it.)

Me: “That thing was huge!”

Female Employee: “And it was one of God’s creatures… and you killed it!”

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Disrespect My Authoritah

| Working | July 6, 2012

(I am working in a roading company. One of our tests is to rate stone chips for cleanliness in order to see if they can be used for certain applications. This test has a 20 minute waiting period for settling in a column of water. Note that all tests in a laboratory like this need to be done to a proscribed international standard, or the laboratory can be closed down.)

Supervisor: “Are you doing the Cleanness tests?”

Me: “Yes, there’s five of them.”

Supervisor: “How come you take so long to do them? I hear you sit the tubes on the bench for 20 minutes!”

Me: “That’s part of the test procedure.”

Supervisor: *laughs* “You come up with some good excuses to slack off, I’ll give you that! Look, you know you can work around the manual, don’t you? There’s bound to be some short cut in it!”

Me: “I don’t think there is, but if you can find one, I’ll do it gladly.”

Supervisor: “I’m going to check out the manual right now. You try and challenge me, and you’ll see what happens!”

(I get two tests done completely and am working on a third when he returns.)

Supervisor: *grinning* “So, you think you’re pretty clever about the Cleanness test method?”

Me: “Well, I have been doing it for—”

Supervisor: “Oh, you were right…but I’ve just been into your personnel file and written a note saying you have a problem with authority. How do you like THOSE onions, clever boy?!”

(From then on, every time we had a new manager—which we did frequently—the person with a “problem with authority” was always singled out and made special notice of by the new manager.)

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