(I am at a local chain of Mexican restaurants placing my order at the counter. Note that the quesadilla normally comes with black beans, cheese, and your choice of proteins and fillings.)
Me: “Could I get a quesadilla with chicken, cheese, jalapeño, onion, cilantro, and no beans?”
Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have no beans, only black beans and pinto beans.”
(I am teasing a customer’s daughter, who is absolutely not falling for my lies.)
Girl: “How much is the candy?”
Me: “A million-billion dollars.”
Girl: “Nuh-uh!”
Me: “Yup… million-billion dollars.”
Girl: “No, it isn’t!”
(A few minutes later, she notices one of the items on the shelves behind me.)
Girl: “What are those?”
Me: “They’re jars to put candy in. They cost five dollars, plus the price of candy.”
(She nods.)
Me: “And the candy is a million-billion dollars.”
Girl: “It is NOT!”
This story is part of our Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup!
Read the next Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup story!
Read the Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup!
(My coworker is using the printer, which is notorious for breaking.)
Me: “I like to call the printer Bob Marley, because it’s always jammin’.”
Coworker: “Well, right now it needs toner, so I guess that makes it Michael Jackson.”
(I’ve been working at this fast food place for about six months when my best friend gets hired. We are teenagers and it’s our first job. I normally snap pictures of the schedule, but by her second week of the job the management asks the workers to stop doing that, due to regulations or some such thing. I had already taken a picture before anyone told me, and I send the picture to my best friend so she’ll know when she works. And as a backup, she also copies it into a notebook directly from the schedule itself a few days later. Neither of us is scheduled to work that Sunday, so we go out to a movie and post online about it. Come Monday evening, we walk into work together.)
Boss: *grumpy* “Hope you enjoyed that movie.”
Me: *slightly confused as to how she knows, because we weren’t friends online* “Yeah, it wasn’t too bad.”
Boss: *turns to my friend* “More fun than working?”
Friend: *jokingly* “Well, usually most things are.”
Boss: “Is that really the attitude you’re going to take on only your second week here?!”
Friend: “Huh…?”
(My boss then takes her to the back room and shows her the schedule that suddenly now says that she was supposed to have worked the day before. My friend swears that she didn’t know, otherwise she would have been at work, and promises to never ever let it happen again. Practically in tears for the rest of the night, she works quickly and quietly. I find the picture of the schedule on my phone and walk up to my boss.)
Me: “Ma’am, in all fairness, I don’t believe the schedule said that she was supposed to work yesterday. When I took a picture of it—”
Boss: “You know we aren’t supposed to take pictures of the schedule, [My Name]. Now get back to work.”
(I went back to work, but took a picture of every schedule from then on ever as proof. That manager didn’t last long, but my friend’s mother never trusted me ever again. To make it even worse, there was white out on the schedule for Sunday, where it had obviously been erased and rewritten. In the two and a half years I worked there, they changed the schedule within a day’s notice so many times that I eventually quit in frustration.)
(I pull up to the drive-thru to grab a soda and a snack after a stressful afternoon.)
Me: “Hi, can I get a large Diet [Soda] with lemon, no ice, please.”
Employee: “Do you want the lemon flavoring or a slice of lemon?”
Me: “Lemon flavoring, please.”
Employee: “Okay, so that was a large [Soda], with lemon, not Diet, right?”
Me: “Um, no. A large Diet [Soda], with lemon flavoring, no ice, please.”
Employee: “Okay. A large… Diet [Soda] with lemon, anything else?”
Me: “No ice in the drink, please, and a large french fry.”
Employee: “Okay. I’ll have that at the window.”
(I pull up and we have the cash exchange, and she hands me a bag of fries and my drink.)
Employee: “Oh, wait. I gave you [Soda], not Diet.”
(I try to return the drink to her.)
Employee: “Do you want to just, like, keep it?”
Me: “Umm, sure.” *even though I hate regular [Soda]*
Employee: *as she is passing the new drink out the window* “Here’s your large DIET [Soda] with lemon.”
Me: *noticing it has ice in it* “Um, it has ice. It was supposed to be no ice.”
Employee: *smiling proudly* “Yeah, but it’s DIET.”
Me: “But it was supposed to be no ice.”
Employee: *blank stare*
