Viva La Rip-olucion

| Working | April 25, 2012

(A package has just arrived with an advertisement poster that our department is supposed to display.)

Me: “[Manager], we got a package.”

Manager: *opens package* “Oh, it’s another one of those poster ads. I hate these! We even already have one of just like this. Hmm…”

(My manager folds the poster twice and steps on it, ripping it. He then stuffs it in the trashcan.)

Manager: “Oh, darn. It looks like it got damaged in the shipment. I guess we can’t use it!”

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Why Don’t You Lead By Example

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I’ve made a call to a business and have reached the owner of the shop. I’ve given him a short description of the health and safety training we offer for his employees.)

Boss: “Health? Safety? I wouldn’t care if all my employees died today!”

Me: “Uh…okay. Thank you for your time.” *hangs up*

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0 Brains

| Working | April 25, 2012

(Note: I’m a customer. I overhear two female employees while I’m in the fitting room trying on a dress. They’re apparently reading the label on a soda bottle.)

Employee #1: “If this has 0 calories, 0 carbs, and no sugar, what makes it different from water? I mean, if you could drink this, why would you ever drink water?”

Employee #2: “Uhh, I guess it has sodium in it.”

Employee #1: “What’s sodium? What’s that do to you?”

Employee #2: “I guess it dries you out and stuff.”

Employee #1: “Well, I have oily skin anyway!”

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Half A Brain

, | Working | April 25, 2012

Employee: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. Carry out or delivery?”

Me: “Delivery.”

Employee: “Okay, go ahead with your order.”

Me: “I would like a large pineapple pizza, half without cheese.”

Employee: “Which half would you like the cheese on?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Employee: “Which half of the pizza would you like the cheese on?”

Me: *after pausing for a moment* “The… left half.”

Employee: “Okay, your total will be $12.72 and your pizza should be there in 35 minutes!”

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May We Suggest Hire Education

, , | Right Working | August 27, 2009

Customer: “Can I have an application to work here?”

Me: “We will need a copy of your resume before you fill out an application.”

Customer: “What’s a resume?”

Me: “A resume lists your work experience and contacts.”

Customer: “Where do I get one?”

Me: “You can find lots of books that tell you the correct way to fill one out.”

Customer: “Can you write one for me?”

Me: “I don’t think you’re gonna get this job.”

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