Will Autocall Back In Three Days

(My wife and I get our nine-year-old daughter a cell phone. Unfortunately, her number was formerly used by a Jesús [pronounced hey-soos] Gonzales. We keep getting calls from creditors for months, finally convincing them that the number is no longer his. Then one evening, her phone gets a ‘blocked number’ call. I take it, preparing to explain the situation. However, the caller is an autocaller, which uses a text reader and menu to communicate. It is also pronouncing Jesús’s name ‘gee-zus,’ like from church.)

Autocaller: “Hello. I am trying to contact … Jesus Gonzales.If you are… Jesus… press one; otherwise, press two.”

Me: *presses two, while starting to giggle a little*

Autocaller: “I see that you are not… Jesus. Do you know… Jesus? Is so, press one; if not, press two.”

Me: *presses 2, laughing now*

Autocaller: “Do you know how we can find… Jesus? If yes, press one; if no, press two.”

Me: *presses 2; laughing loudly*

Autocaller: “Thank you.” *hangs up*

Wife: “Who were they looking for?”

Me: “They were looking for Jesus!”