When They’re Dumb As A Rock…

Customer: “I’m looking for a pet.”

Me: “We really only sell pet supplies here. We’re not in the practice of selling animals as we have partnerships with several rescue centres.”

Customer: “You don’t sell any pets at all? I just need something small and low-maintenance.”

Me: “Well, our aquarium sells fish, but I wouldn’t call them low-maintenance due to the expensive setup required to adequately maintain them.”

Customer: “Ooh! Fish! Fish are pretty. Can I have one?”

This customer seems a bit… ditzy, but I entertain their request. I go through some of the simpler fish that require minimal setup.

Me: “As for food, this species—”

Customer: “No, no food. I want something low-maintenance.”

Me: “Yes, but you still have to feed them.”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “Because… they’re animals.”

Customer: “No, they’re not! They’re fish!”

Me: “I don’t think I can help you.”

Customer: “I don’t want to do anything with them! I just want them to look pretty! Can’t you sell me something like that?”

I grab a rock from the bottom of an empty aquarium.

Me: “Here is a pet rock. You can have a pet rock.”

Customer: “What does it do?”

Me: “Absolutely f*** all, which is the same as what you intend to do. Have a nice day.”